Marine Arrested for Arranging Incestuous Sex with Minors

Lacey Donohue · 10/01/13 07:10PM

U.S. Marine Stephen Lewis, a private first class stationed at Camp Pendleton in southern California, was arrested two weeks ago after arranging to have sex with an entire family: a man, his 12-year-old son, and his 11-year-old daughter. The only problem with this plan (aside from everything) was that he arranged for the meeting with an undercover Department of Homeland Security agent on the incest website (note: these agents are “essential” employees during the shutdown).

Homeland Security Took Michael Arrington's Boat Because 'America Is Myspace'

Mallory Ortberg · 02/23/13 12:09PM

All TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington wanted was a simple life, with a simple boat, so that he might draw out his remaining days in peaceful aquatic seclusion. Chartering retired couples and young honeymooners on day trips, resolving the quarrels of local fisherman, nibbling on sponge cake and watching the sun bake all of those tourists covered in oil. He was done with the game, and he thought the game was done with him.

If You Don't Want the Government to Read Your Web Site, then Don't Publish a Web Site

John Cook · 01/12/12 02:10PM

Matt Drudge—who can usually be found boasting about all his mouth-breathing readers—has been taking umbrage today at the revelation that Department of Homeland Security officials "monitor" his web site, along with about 200 other news and social networking sites. Or as Glenn Beck's Blaze hilariously put it, "Homeland Security Given Green Light to Monitor American Journalists." So what do you call reading a newspaper?

How Homeland Security Helped Jamaica Massacre 73 Civilians

John Cook · 12/14/11 01:45PM

The New Yorker has just posted Mattathias Schwartz's excellent piece in last week's magazine on the disastrous raid to arrest Jamaican druglord Christopher "Dudus" Coke. At the DEA's insistence, Jamaican authorities reluctantly raided Tivoli Gardens, the West Kingston slum Coke ran as a de facto governor, two years ago. Coke didn't turn up, but Jamaican police officers killed 73 civilians, many of them allegedly in cold blood. A Department of Homeland Security surveillance plane was overhead the whole time.

Department of Homeland Security Totally Disses 'Anonymous'

Adrian Chen · 08/04/11 12:50PM

The hacktivists of Anonymous are often dismissed as unskilled noobs. But now the Department of Homeland Security has called out Anonymous as "script kiddies" with rudimentary hacking skills. Oh no they didn't.

Homeland Security Invading a Social Media Platform Near You

Seth Abramovitch · 04/08/11 12:13AM

Remember the government's color-coded terror alert system? Sure you do. It was fun, festive, and went with everything. Well, it's history. Back in January, the Department of Homeland Security announced plans to phase out the system. So what will replace it? As of April 27, terror alerts will come in just two forms —"elevated" and "imminent"— and will be broadcast over the two most popular social networks.

Sesame Street Absorbed By Department Of Homeland Security

Moe · 09/18/08 10:09AM

The Department of Homeland Security is employing the cast of Sesame Street to indoctrinate America's littlest citizens in the nuances of societal distrust and paranoia. This makes sense because Sesame Street is a Leninist television program produced by the socialist government and dating back to the height of fiscal crisis brought about by the reckless expansion of the welfare state to whose beneficiaries Sesame Street was engineered to placate.And the Department of Homeland Security represents the biggest expansion of government since the New Deal!

Homeland security makes it easier to hire foreign developers and supermodels

Nicholas Carlson · 04/08/08 10:20AM

Score one for Lord Balaji, known to some Indian Hindus as the "Visa God." The Department of Homeland Security changed its rules Friday so as to allow U.S. businesses to employ foreigners for up to 29 months before they must obtain an H-1B visa. Previously, the limit had been 12 months — and the DHS used "emergency" provisions to avoid public review of the change. The foreigners must be students who attended American schools and earned a degree in science, technology, engineering or mathematics, employed in their field of study. Either that or they have to supermodels, reports the WSJ. Because who said the huddled masses can't look like the Indian/Irish/French Saira Mohan?