problematic (noun, adjective) You're at work, looking at the Internet instead of doing tasks related to your employment. Something is bothering you! Did a celebrity comment on the issue of race? What is up with Katy Perry being so old? Why is "everyone" on Twitter mentioning a #longread that just didn't do anything for you? Welcome to the world of things that are problematic—meaning, things that don't concern you at all, as opposed to actual problems such as your parking tickets, student loans, self-diagnosed nutritional disorders and loser brother who wants to sleep on your sofa while he "looks for a job."
selfie: (noun) Nobody has any idea how to take a photograph of another person. Or, everyone hates you. What else explains the badly lit and poorly focused horror mugshots your so-called friends produce when pointing their phones at you? Did they try to zoom in on the first pimple you've had in three years, or are they just fundamentally inept at life? Is it absurd to think a person might use the simple photo-editing tools on every phone to change your eyes from demonic-idiot red to their actual color, or to maybe remove that sesame seed stuck between your front teeth? The selfie is your only shot at ever having a decent shot of yourself. Don't be embarrassed. Take as many pictures as it takes to get one of your beautiful face, instead of your flabby arm that somehow got all the light from the flash.
CR: 1. Abbreviation for "Congressional Republican," a member of an exclusive socialist commune on the Potomac River that provides private gyms, health care, pensions, tennis courts, guaranteed airline seats, reserved airport parking, fine dining, life insurance, a private subway, iPhones, postage stamps, luxury hotels and manservants. Commonly confused with the abbreviation for continuing resolution.
For 85 years, the FBI has defined rape as the "carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will." In all that time, no men have been raped. Now, thanks to rap music, homosexual marriage, and Jerry Sandusky, the FBI has gone and changed the definition—placing millions of American men in danger of rape.