Pat Robertson Does, In Fact, Think God Cracked the Washington Monument

Jim Newell · 08/26/11 11:19AM

"Ladies and gentlemen," 700 Club televangelist Pat Robertson tells us before delivering the clip we've all been expecting for several days. "I don't want to get weird on this so please take it for what it's worth." Dude, you use disclaimers now to preface your latest comical religious explanations for natural disasters, in the case the Great D.C. Earthquake? Please show some spine to support all that bullshit, Pat.

But How Did Zoo Animals React to the Earthquake?

Maureen O'Connor · 08/24/11 05:20PM

In what will surely be the greatest press release of ths week, the National Zoo offers a catalog of how various animals reacted to yesterday's earthquake. In it, we discover that the range of animal quake reactions is roughly the same as the range of human quake reactions, from startled shrieking to baleful hiding:

The D.C. Earthquake Cracked the Washington Monument

Adrian Chen · 08/24/11 09:56AM

Post-earthquake reports that the Washington Monument was tilting like a bridesmaid after four champagne cocktails turned out to be false. However, contrary to the Park Service's initial reassurances, our national phallus didn't escape unharmed: It's cracked.

Californians Are Being Insufferable About This Earthquake

Adrian Chen · 08/23/11 06:27PM

Just hours after a 5.9 magnitude quake hit Washington D.C., San Francisco weather traffic guy Sal Castaneda tweeted, "Hey east coasters: welcome to our world and what we live with everyday in California. Stay Safe." Hey, Californians: Shut up and let us wallow in our abject terror.

Was Today's Earthquake Another Boobquake?

Maureen O'Connor · 08/23/11 04:43PM

Remember when an Iranian cleric said earthquakes were God's punishment for scantily-clad women, and then a bunch of scantily-clad women organized a naked protest to disprove the cleric, but then an earthquake actually occurred at the moment they bared their breasts? Well, there is a chance that today's East Coast earthquake was a boobquake, too, because it's National Go Topless Day, and there are all kinds of naked boobs in Central Park right now.

A Collection of Bad Political Twitter Jokes from the DC Earthquake

Jim Newell · 08/23/11 02:42PM

Holy potatoes that was some kinda Washington Earthquake of 2011 that we just had! Everyone has fallen into the Potomac River. But not before everyone got to make a bad joke on Twitter relating to current national politics! Because it's in DC, know? You can tell it's a "bad" political earthquake joke if it's a political earthquake joke in general. Here's a poorly culled selection.


Adrian Chen · 08/23/11 12:59PM

Woah! There was just an earthquake! The ground swayed for maybe 10-15 seconds here in New York. The US Geological Survey is reporting a 5.8 magnitude quake hit Mineral, Virginia. Our D.C correspondent Jim Newell says the quake was much stronger down there, shaking his house and rattling things but not knocking anything down. Updates below.