Okay, this is awkward. Radar points out that society snapper David Patrick Columbia incorrectly identifies two African-American men in the latest issue of Quest (still publishing, apparently). On the left we have the misnomered "Moises de la Renée," who is actually 25-year-old Moises de la Renta, adopted son of Oscar de la Renta. To make matters more hilarious, Columbia then mixes up his 'mos. Gay Vanity Fair fashion and style director Michael Roberts is confused with gay former Vibe editor Emil Wilbekin. God, they should make them wear name tags or something...
David Patrick Columbia, who narrates the goings on of New York society, has a theory about the ladies of Real Housewives of New York City, the Bravo reality show in which five idiots wander around New York, destroying everything. These women are not Society, Columbia insists: "Socialites, yes maybe; Society, no. But then, it could be argued successfully that there is no Society anymore. Socialites go out at night. Society stays home." It's just like that movie I Am Legend, where the hero holes up in his gorgeous townhouse on Washington Square Park, while hideous zombie vampire creatures roam Manhattan. Society is aged and weak, as the socialites will be someday. This will continue until society has died and everything has been devoured. It's pretty grim. Though Columbia does demonstrate some appreciation for the socialite menace: "The Countess de Lesseps, off-camera is a very nice woman, and is also a Native American." Oh. Well, there you have it. [NY Social Diary]
What does David Patrick Columbia of New York Social Diary, a website that shares pics of the lives of the Tinsely Mortimer crowd, think of the growing income gap? He granted a rambling interview to BigThink, a "marketplace for idea-sharing, discussion between global thought leaders and the public" that's already interviewed luminaries such as Richard Branson and Ted Kennedy. His solution starts with the proclamation that, "A lot of people are just too rich." Like Donald Newhouse, one of Forbes' richest men, and the Rockefeller clan, presumably, all of whom have been lovingly chronicled on NYSD! He spirals into an anecdote about having dinner on the yacht of "a very, very rich man." The yacht in question was "big, huge... I think it was 300 feet or something like that. It was enormous." The video and transcript follow.
New York society chronicler David Patrick Columbia is a little blue! He went out to lunch with Erica Jong the other day, and they talked about the YouTube videos about Henry Kravis and the tax-dodging mogul set. But lunch with Erica put him in a maudlin frame of mind, even though they went on to talk about Hillary Clinton. But how can one feel down when one receives such an amazing Christmas card from Dr. Sherrell and Muffie Potter Aston?
You can imagine how delighted we are to see the feud- seed that we planted germinating, sprouting, and beginning to bear stinky, bitter fruit: elder statesman of goss David Patrick Columbia has finally seen fit to bite back at the nasty young upstart/s (*cough* Derek Blasberg *cough cough*) at Socialite Rank. SR had emailed us to clarify that the reason they no longer linked to DPC's New York Social Diary was that he was "boring," "dull as a plastic airline knive [sic]," and that his audience "already qualifies for reservation spaces in the cemeteries." David Patrick Columbia has a few choice words for the Rankles, and they're at least all spelled correctly. Snap! After the jump, we translate them from old-people-ese.
Yesterday we wondered aloud why the Socialite Ranklers had removed elder statesman of goss David Patrick Columbia's New York Social Diary from their blogroll. Could it have anything to do with a rumored beef between DPC and lead SR-writing suspect, "writer" Derek Blasberg, we thought but didn't say? Luckily, we didn't have to wonder for very long: a clarification landed in our inbox, on the monogrammed SR e-stationery:
In between their predictable outbursts of fanciness and sycophanciness ("she's a darling. a stylish one too." "she's so darling"), the Socialite Rank commenters (by the way, the real Socialite Rank mystery = who are the Socialite Rank commenters?? Seriously!) seem to have come across an intriguing discrepancy. On an unrelated post today, commenter 'nan' writes:
Remember when we posted that YouTube clip of Beauty Junkie Alex Kucz lambasting 740 Park author Michael Gross via voicemail? And remember when, after the clip, we mentioned that "This obviously has nothing whatsoever to do with Monday's Kucz Fresh Air interview, by the way"? Well, David Patrick Columbia wants to lift the scales from your eyes, America: that "voicemail message" is actually a clip from the Fresh Air interview, taken out of context and spliced together with Gross's voicemail via the magic of technology! Let's let Columbia explain it a little more thoroughly:
We just have to drop our know-it-all facade here for a second and admit that we were probs totally wrong about the slant of David Patrick Columbia's Tinz Mortimer,31 literary allusion the other day. We don't actually know anything about rich people who go to parties for a living. But he sure does! And today he's got another blind item. We have to say, we really appreciate this man's blind item steez. No tacky Ted Casablancas "Toothy Tile"-ish nicknames, no Post-y "WHICH young blonde recently divorced popstar" unsubtlety. No, DPC is mad subtle. So subtle, in fact, that we have nooooo fucking clue what he's talking about:
Our jaw dropped to the floor Roger Rabbit-style when we read David Patrick Columbia's broad hint that socialist Tinsley Mortimer, 31 and her financier husband — whose conspicuous absence from her side is mentioned in every article about her — might have hit a bit of a rough patch. What is new, though (at least to us) is his observation that "rumors are focusing on one individual outside the marriage, and an affair (for want of a better word) that has been going on for more than ... a couple of months." And later: "This of course is ultimately the stuff of novels. "
Amazing how many submissions to the "David Patrick Columbia Defeats Death" contest included animals, mojitos, Brooke Astor, and doormen. You'll recall that we asked for 50 words or less describing how the driving force behind New York Social Diary confronted and overcame death. If only everyone could win, but sadly, even the actual winner doesn't really win much. As an aperitif, here's the second runner-up:
29-year-old "socialite" Melissa Berkelhammer — who lives alone, is supported by her parents, and has no job or talents to speak of other than mugging for Patrick McMullan's camera and saying incredibly stupid things in the presence of an Observer reporter — sure is getting her money's worth out of publicist R. Couri Hay, who she pays a mere $2500/month to ensure her presence on the best guest lists and near the most eligible i-bankers. Yesterday, New York Social Diary grand captioneer David Patrick Columbia nobly came to Berkelhammer's defense, noting that social climbing has always been part of the game: the Rockefellers paid someone to keep their name in the papers and Brooke Astor was accused of marrying for money (as if the poor old thing hasn't been through enough, need we compare her to this girl?). Columbia argues:
Socialite captioneer and social mandarin David Patrick Columbia is most well known for running the good ship New York Social Diary. Unfortunately, it seems he took in a showing of An Inconvenient Truth. That or the heat done got him. The generally dark news here and abroad inspired the gentleman to issue this declaration:
David Patrick Columbia's Social Diary oils all over last night's Drama League benefit, but forget the text and look at the pictures. Over at the Data Lounge, nasty posters are playing spot the biggest freak. The most popular picks: the Weils and Topsy Taylor. I refuse to believe these are real people. With a name like Topsy Taylor: I mean, come on.
Today's Social Diary
Who's the biggest freak? [Data Lounge]
David Patrick Columbia reports that Rick and Kathy Hilton, heirs to the Hilton Hotel empire and parents of Paris and Nicky, who are "very homey people" had their annual Christmas buffett tonight at their apartment in Waldorf Towers. DPC raves about the amazing "warmth" of the place and simplicity of the buffett, which is "just like your neighbors have." We're willing to stretch the definition of "homey," but not so much that it includes a Park Avenue mansion. And we're willing to stretch the definition of "warmth," but not so much that it includes "eats small orphan children for breakfast, but in a genuinely tender fashion and only behind closed doors." (Perhaps we exaggerate on that one.) We do admit, however, that there may some similarities between the Hiltons and our neighbors. Our neighbors, for example, also have annoyingly vapid daughters. Our neighbors also... Okay, so that's where the similarities stop. Note to DPC: Wipe your mouth. You're drooling.
New York was cold last night [New York Social Diary]