So! The Hope For Haiti Telethon was last night, and if you're like everyone else, it was Friday night, and you were out, you selfish fuck. Or all TEAM COCO. Either way, music happened. Timberlake! Beyonce! Swift! Hova! Gospel Choirs!
David Bowie turns 63 today. Fashion designer Carolina Herrera is turning 71. Everyone's favorite British theoretical physicist, Stephen Hawking, is 68. Robert Kelly (or R. Kelly to you and me) is turning 43. Sean Paul is 37. Baseball players Jason Giambi and Carl Pavano are 39 and 34, respectively. Actress Sarah Polley is 31. Wolfgang Puck is turning 61. DJ Clue is 35. Susan Berresford turns 67. Composer David Lang is 53. And legendary game show host Bob Eubanks turns 72 today. A few weekend birthdays are below.
Reese Witherspoon shopping with Jake Gyllenhaal at Marni on Mercer Street, and later leaving lunch at Bar Pitti ... Dave Matthews picking up breakfast from Peace and Love Cafe in Tribeca ... Will Ferrell watching a game at Yankees Stadium ... Nicole Kidman leaving her building downtown ... Jeff Goldblum and Rachel McAdams filming scenes for Morning Glory ... Whitney Port shopping with a friend downtown ... Djimon Hounsou walking by himself ... Denise Richards eating dessert at Fresco on East 52nd Street ... Robert Pattinson walking downtown with actor Tom Sturridge ... and Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez leaving 40/40 separately.
Sandra Bernhard heading into a yoga studio in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her Village townhouse with a carton of Easter eggs ... Heidi Klum carrying son Johan into FAO Schwarz ... Dave Matthews crossing the street ... Liam Neeson watching the Knicks play at Madison Square Garden with his sons Michael and Daniel, just a few seats away from where Spike Lee is sitting ... Rachel McAdams heading into her hotel ... Lauren Conrad arriving at JFK ... Tory Spelling leaving NBC studios at Rockefeller Center ... Wilmer Valderrama walking on the Lower East Side ... and Seal leaving a hotel in Soho.
Party like it's 1998! Julia Roberts made what E! is calling a "rare public appearance" yesterday, appearing onstage at the Stand Up for a Cure concert at Madison Square Garden. "Hello New York City!" she said to the audience. "I cannot tell you how excited I am to be in the greatest city in the world to introduce one of the greatest bands of the world." Then, strangely, Dave Matthews Band came out. [E!]
Dave Matthews, Kanye West, and Sheryl Crow are all performing like monkeys for VIPs in Denver this week. Also expected to be skulking around Denver this week are Ben Affleck, Josh Brolin, Annette Bening, Spike Lee, Anne Hathaway, Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron, according to AFP. Oh, and Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi are performing before and after Obama's acceptance speech, at that stadium! Soooo many celebrities! Because America loves its celebrities, except that it also despises and resents them. You know how most of America's problems are caused not by the disastrous failure of government over the last like 30 years but by, uh, Tim Robbins? Yes, of course you do! So do Republicans, who learned long ago that the only thing America loved more than obsessively consuming pop culture object is loudly decrying the creators of those objects as unAmerican queers. The fact that Hollyweird (along with the music and television weird-ustries) caters directly and scientifically to every desire of every American demographic does not mean that anyone actually likes famous people, because, obviously, they are misanthropic wealthy blinkered assholes whose lives bear no resemblance to the lives of their audiences. Which is true! They are! Just like politicians and their constituencies! Except no one knows who their Representative is, and everyone knows who Ben Affleck is. He is the Vince Vaughan who isn't funny! And then it gets really odd, because even someone like Bruce Springsteen-who is unreservedly beloved by basically all white people older than 30-suddenly becomes a loathed example of garish flashy wealth when he sings a song for a Democrat. But, you may say, if you actually like Bruce Springsteen it is patently obvious that he has always sang bleeding heart songs about losers betrayed by their countries! But he also sings about cars which cause the Global Warming, which is a myth except when liberal celebrities have big houses, and then it is real. So. Now Obama has to "stay away" from these famous people, except for the ones singing to him on TV, and also George Clooney has issued a press release announcing that he's never texted Barack Obama. George Clooney, in case you are unfamiliar with him, is basically the single most well-liked man in America, which is why his support for Barack Obama is the kiss of death. Of course, if you are a Republican, you get to have the support of shitty country acts who are massively, hugely, insanely popular across the entire country except in the places where journalists live, so they don't count as "celebrities." Get it? Photoshop: Steve Dressler
Suspicious: During a pro-Hillary speech by Bill Clinton at Indiana University, the Barack Obama campaign started giving away concert tickets to Dave Matthews Band. The giveaway was the first opportunity to grab the tickets, and a line formed, partly made up of people who left the Clinton event, according to the Indianapolis Star. One student waited for more than three hours.