Katie Holmes's Weird Sonogram Issues, And Other Tom & Oprah Highlights

Seth Abramovitch · 05/02/08 08:10PM

· Still want more OT (Oprah/Tom)? We've compiled the interview's best moments. And yes, he addresses the indoctrination video you watched here. Verdict? Oprah: Asked the tough questions. Tom: Depressed. [Oprah.com]
· Yikes. We'd hate to see what Kanye would have written if EW had given his tour a B-minus. [kanyeuniversecity.com via Idolator]
· Now you can linger over assistant Jonathan's lovingly collaged FRIENDS 4 EVA!!! farewell poster for Jack Donaghy from last night's 30 Rock. [Videogum]
· It's time for accused Uma-stalker Jack "Tee-Hee" Jordan to have his say: He's humiliated! (Now that we think of it, Tee-Hee is the greatest nickname ever. Dibs!) [Reuters]
· "Hey, Gary! Good weekend? What?!" [People]
· The assault charges against Rod Stewart's retarded son have been dropped. [AP]
· Angelyne has the developers of the W Hotel over a barrel. Attagirl! [LAT]

A Vicious Circle

Richard Lawson · 04/29/08 04:19PM

Hey, does anyone watch CSI? Yeah, me neither. Well just in case you were wondering, actor Gary Dourdan, who plays the ethnic scientist/policeman, was arrested early this morning when he was found sleeping in his automobile with piles and piles of drugs. And maybe it's because he was recently fired from the show. Or was he recently fired because he was doing drugs? Or maybe it's because famous people all have a strange blood disease that requires them to snort, swallow, and smoke lots of drugs lest they die. For whatever reason, poor guy's been having a bad week. [Image via TMZ]

Fear And Loathing In Palm Springs With Former 'CSI' Star Gary Dourdan

Seth Abramovitch · 04/29/08 02:22PM

As we write this, recent CSI casualty Gary Dourdan is likely recovering from an even gnarlier Coachella hangover than most: TMZ reports the actor was discovered by Palm Springs police asleep in his car at 5:21 a.m., upon which he was arrested on "suspicion of possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs," otherwise known as the bare minimum required to make a Jack Johnson set seem remotely exciting. His genuinely pained mugshot—we seriously can't stare at it for more than a few seconds—is pictured above. Developing...

Are Gary Dourdan And Diane Neal Departing Their Hit Series For Mutually Disagreed-Upon, Shitcanning Reasons?

Seth Abramovitch · 04/17/08 06:00PM

Noting that two cast members from TV's highest-rated procedurals—CSI's Gary Dourdan and Law & Order: SVU's Diane Neal—would be leaving their series at the end of their contracts, TVGuide.com's Michael Ausiello has reexamined the evidence, and concludes that these seemingly friendly departures were more likely the result of some less-than-amicable shitcannings:

You Ain't Foolin Nobody, Lady

Douglas Reinhardt · 03/27/08 12:50PM

CSI star Marg Helgenberger would like you to believe that she's busy reading the shit out of Richard Price's latest novel, Lush Life. Yet in reality, hidden behind that dust cover is a copy of US Weekly, which is actually hiding a copy of Highlights magazine, which is also being used as a diversion for another magazine, Penthouse Forum.

'CSI': Magic Mountain

Seth Abramovitch · 03/20/08 02:36PM

· A half-hour CSI stage show at Magic Mountain will allow visitors to Six Flags to "witness a fake crime, then guide them through the 'whodunit' process," before shuffling them through turnstiles for the ride of their life on The Wild Blacklight Splooge-Stain Coaster! [Variety]
· Filmmaker R.J. Cutler will turn the new book Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-Up in the 1970s Changed America into a feature-length documentary, highlighting the amazing stand-up accomplishments of groundbreaking comedians like Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and a 4-year-old Dane Cook, who to this day holds the title for youngest Boston Yuk-Yuks headliner of all time. [Variety]

David Caruso: 'What Should I Do? I Am A Grown Man With Red Hair.'

Mark Graham · 03/13/08 07:44PM

Exactly one week ago today, we ran a fairly innocuous item about David Caruso's effusive bullying of a young director on the set of CSI: Sunglasses. Unbeknownst to us at the time we posted it, this item would generate a tremendous amount of feedback from you, the Defamer community. In particular, we received one incredibly detailed recollection of Caruso's on-set behavior from a commenter with the nom de plume of OnSetSnitch. While we normally don't make a practice out of reprinting comments verbatim, this one is so full of Grade-A juice that we felt compelled to share it with a wider audience. With that, please enjoy this unfortunate (yet hilarious) tale of what it's like to work with the likes of David Caruso on a daily basis:

David Caruso Bullies Young Director Into Shooting Umpteenth Sunglasses Removal Scene

Mark Graham · 03/04/08 08:08PM

By now, seemingly every pop culture pundit worth their weight in punchlines has latched onto the high comedic value of David Caruso's effusive stylings on CSI: Miami. In particular, The Soup's Joel McHale has taken extreme delight in (and created a cottage industry from) Caruso's patented "I'm going to hastily remove my sunglasses while I deliver this one-liner" maneuver. But until we read this insider's account of Caruso's excruciating acting process on Popbitch, the TV viewer in us always just kind of naively assumed that these moments happened semi-serendipitously. But boy oh boy, were we ever wrong:

She's not a cartoon, she's the Paris Hilton of Second Life

Nicholas Carlson · 10/25/07 11:34AM

Remember Second Life, the metaverse that seems to garner more mentions in the press than actual users? Well, CSI: NY treated us all to a lamer version of reality last night, incorporating Linden Lab's lonely virtual world into its plot. What we want to know: Why can't CBS understand that all we want from it is some Jessica Fletcher and a few sunny-skied pharmaceutical commercials?

Hugh Jackman Casino Murder Musical Just As Popular As Anticipated

mark · 10/19/07 01:36PM

In a development that will probably surprise no one save the Hugh Jackman producing partner who counseled the star, "You know what we be an inspired career move, Hugh? Let's get you into a TV project with casinos. But not Vegas—someone's done that already, I think? Oh, also? There should be SINGING! And a murrrrder!," the debut of CBS's conceptually adventurous Viva Laughlin bombed so badly that network corporate overlord Les Moonves may order the execution of everyone involved after its next airing. Reports TV Week on the Nielsen carnage:

Fans Still Believe Cute Food Deliveries Can Sway TV Decisions

mark · 10/18/07 05:46PM

In this post-Jericho era, any network executive or TV producer who's just signed off on a potentially unpopular change now expects to spend their next day at the office buried underneath an avalanche of foodstuffs delivered by protesting viewers who now believe that even the most stubborn of minds can be changed with a metric ton of peanuts. Discussing the announcement of Jorja Fox's (officially voluntary) departure from CSI with TVGuide.com, executive producer Carol Mendelsohn marvels at how disappointed fans have escalated things since the now quaint-seeming NUTS to CBS! campaign:

mark · 10/15/07 03:03PM

CSI's Jorja Fox has announced that she's leaving the show, hoping to pursue roles that involve dramatic challenges more demanding than holding a blacklight over a semen-splattered corpse week after week . Thankfully, her departure from the series seems more amicable than that of recent Prison Break escapee Sarah Wayne Callies, so maybe she'll be able to avoid having her severed head wind up in a box on her farewell episode. [EW.com]

TMZ Cameraman Victim Of Vicious C-Lister Attack

mark · 07/18/07 11:47AM

TMZ.com's Starcatcher team, the internet's leading documentarians of the weave-scalping, paparazzi-hospitalizing atrocities being committed each night outside of Hollywood's most exclusive safe-harbors for violent insurgents, found themselves caught up in the brutality they so faithfully capture on video each night when the crew tragically wandered within pummeling range of an agitated C-lister. An excerpt from their report on a run-in with CSI star Gary Dourdan follows:

David Caruso One-Liners II: Endless Sunglasses Edition

mark · 02/21/07 11:03AM

As a rule, the sequel is never quite as satisfying as the original, but this follow-up to the YouTubes sensation "Seven Minutes and Fifteen Mind-Blowing Seconds Of David Caruso One-Liners," spotlighting only the times the dialogue-devouring star supplements his patented delivery by shielding his eyes from both the punishing Miami sun and his own actorly brilliance, has its own charms: note that just before the one minute mark, we're treated to a sequence in which Caruso bolts from the frame after he's done his bit, as if anxious to remind the director, "Now that...is how you end a cold open," before heading off in dogged pursuit of another line to murder.

Trade Round-Up: Les Moonves Saves Life, Locks Up 'CSI' Producer's Soul For Another Four Years

mark · 01/26/07 03:32PM

· If companies like Time Warner are serious about a commitment to new media, then why can't Peter Bart get someone from TW on the phone who knows how to work his fucking TiVo? [Variety]
· In signing a new overall deal with CBS Paramount Network Television, CSI executive producer Ann Donahue reveals the softer side of CBS Corp.'s future galactic despot Les Moonves: "'Over the summer I had a family member (hospitalized) in grave condition,' Donahue said. 'Leslie, Nancy and Nina called me and not only offered their help, but they cut through a lot of red tape and saved a life. I will be at CBS for as long as they want me.'" [THR]
· NewsCorp is finalizing a deal to bring MySpace to China, but will have to make concessions to the government to bring the site in compliance with local regulations, like limiting each user to a single person in their friendspace (female friend requests must be immediately deleted) and requiring all profile comment to be approved by the Glorious Chinese Emoticon And LOL Censorship Board. [THR]
· Grey's Anatomy, which will finish the week as the number one non-Idol program on television, shows no ill Nielsen effects from the post-Globes Isaiah Washington fiasco, meaning that the slur-happy actor will probably still have a job once he completes his stint in network-ordered GayHab. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: 'CSI: Science Museum'

mark · 01/02/07 03:51PM

Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry will be the first to host the traveling "The CSI Experience" exhibit, an interactive experience in which children will learn about forensic science by imitating their favorite moments from the TV franchise, like passing a blacklight over a defiled corpse for evidence of sexual battery. [Variety]
ABC greenlights a pilot for a TV version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which will pick up six months after the events of the film and center on the show's married assassins settling in a new 'burb and backsliding into their bickering, fighting-or-fucking ways. No word on casting, but the network and studio hope to find two leads willing to become romantically involved during the pilot shoot and publicly break up their marriages right before the upfronts. [THR]
Cheeky Var topper Peter Bart encourages our hobbled Governator to liberate his previous Caleeforneeyah from the tyranny of American statehood. [Variety]
Time-stopping, "breakout" Heroes star Masi Oka is in talks to play a supporting role in the true-story inspired blackjack card-counting drama, 21. [THR]
CBS locks up Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! through 2012, confident that TV viewers will never tire of watching Alex Trebek chide contestants who make the unforgivable mistake of forgetting to phrase their answers in the form of a question, or of waiting for Vanna White to finally snap and take out everyone on the Wheel set in a hail of gunfire. [Variety]

Sinise To Rock 'CSI: NY' Crew's Frowns Upside Down

mark · 10/31/06 11:20AM

We're not exactly sure why the staff of CSI: NY needs a morale boost in early November (the ratings are good, and isn't that all anyone cares about? Are people still bummed about the dead body that turned up on their set?), but this flier hung in an admin building on the CBS Radford lot announces that star Gary Sinise and his Lt. Dan Band are going to rock his co-workers to a more positive outlook for the second straight year this Friday. According to their website, the band has "completed four tours for the USO and performs regulary [sic] for troops stationed around the world," but even cheering up military personnel surely doesn't carry the rich personal rewards of forcibly entertaining a mopey TV production crew.

Corpsegate: Miami: OK, Now You've Got To Be Shitting Us

mark · 09/18/06 04:04PM

Back on Wednesday, we were finally willing to be convinced that an actual human corpse turning up at a CSI: NY shoot in downtown L.A. was just an eerie coincidence, after a brief but enjoyable dalliance with a conspiracy theory that the whole thing was nothing more than a PR stunt. But now we're once again finding ourselves suspicious that master TV manipulator Jerry Bruckheimer really will feed us the same story over and over again until we finally stop tuning in, as another dead body has found its way to a different CSI franchise's set: