R.I.P. Bessie the Cow, British Bovine Shot Dead by Police

Andy Cush · 05/21/15 08:37AM

Rest in peace, Bessie the Wallsend cow. You were a docile cow, according to one man, and then you were shot dead by a phalanx of British cops with sniper rifles who were backed up by a helicopter and as many as 15 squad cars. You will be missed.

Farm Names Specially Marked Calf After Accused Rapist

Allie Jones · 09/26/14 09:20AM

The Pittsburgh-area Vale Wood Farms got a special delivery just in time for Steelers Sunday this weekend: A brand new baby calf...with a "7" marked on its face! Farm owner Carissa Itle-Westrick named the lucky calf after Pittsburgh's other famous "7"—accused rapist Ben Roethlisberger.

Hazel Cills · 04/06/14 04:35PM

A Boeing 747 was forced to make an emergency landing when the 390 cows on board were too hot for the plane to handle. After a fire alarm where the cows were kept started to sound and there was no evidence of smoke, technicians concluded the extremely sexy group of cows were giving off too much heat and set it off.

Truck Full of Cows Crashes in Front of Camera, 'NBD,' Say Cows

Kate Bennert · 12/18/12 02:40PM

Watch this video of a truck full of cows crashing and rolling over in front of oncoming traffic. See how the cows tumble over each other and then quickly get back up? Watch it again. See how the cows try to act all cool and nonchalant? "Nothing to see here," say the cows. "Keep walking."

You Know It's Officially Springtime When the Cows Start Dancin'

Emma Carmichael · 03/26/12 01:30PM

I come from a place where the biggest event of the year is a cow parade on Main Street, but I have never seen a Holstein move quite like this. This herd, from a farm in the UK, had just been released from their winter barn. If the music doesn't quite do it for you, please do not worry, because yes, of course I made a remix using "Teach Me How to Dougie":

McDonald's Kindly Decides to Torture Mama Pigs Less (At Some Point)

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/12 09:17AM

Food simulacra purveyor McDonald's has announced that it will "take actions" to "phase out" the use of gestational crates—tiny little pens for pregnant pigs that don't allow the pregnant pigs to turn around for four months, fucking them up in all sorts of ways—among the company's pork suppliers. "There are alternatives that we think are better for the welfare of sows," a McDonald's executive said in a statement that was probably a real chuckle for pregnant pigs. "I'll say!" said the tortured pigs with a good-natured laugh.

Canadian Cops Corner Cow, Shoot It Repeatedly

Seth Abramovitch · 10/30/11 10:55PM

In today's episode of Gatineau 911, Quebecois law enforcement, lights flashing and sirens blaring, manage to surround a cow wandering around the road in a small community near Ottawa. They then fire at it ten times, all of which was captured on video by horrified onlookers.

Man Saves Calf From Immediate Doom But Not Eventual Doom

Lauri Apple · 10/25/11 04:08AM

In this helmet-cam vid, a Good Samaritan interrupts his motorbike ride around Gautang, South Africa to save a thoughtless calf who had ingested too many shots of Fernet (or whatever cows drink) during the previous night's "Calves' Night Out" festivities and drunkenly wandered into a canal. The biker's rescue mission requires him to head into the bilge water to save the lanky baby—who starts heading in the opposite direction, mostly because he's embarrassed and doesn't want to be filmed—and use some sort of rope to drag it out of the water. When the calf gets fidgety you'll go, "ugh dumb little asshole cow, stop squirming and cooperate," but then you'll see the pathetic look on its face as it's pulled to dry land and go "aw, I can't curse a calf. It's still learning."