How Did Rusty the Red Panda Escape? Don't Ask the National Zoo

Tom Scocca · 06/28/13 01:05PM

The Smithsonian has sent out a press release purporting to update the public on this week's escape of Rusty, a red panda (Ailurus fulgens), from a supposedly secure enclosure at the National Zoo. It is a masterpiece of tautology and obfuscation, designed to conceal the fact that the zookeepers have no idea how an animal with a sub-three-inch brain got away from them.

Guilty of Rape? Write a Book Report, Says School

Mandy Oaklander · 04/20/13 02:06PM

When you consider appropriate punishments for rape, jail might come to mind, or perhaps castration if you're old-fashioned. But if you ask Occidental College, allegedly, they'll recommend a super-reparative book report.

An Evil Movie Theater Conspiracy Is Ripping You Off

Ryan Tate · 05/23/11 03:04PM

Movie theater owners have been caught routinely running 2D movies through dark 3D lenses, ruining the quality. And they refuse to talk about the apparently widespread problem. As if you needed another reason to skip the overpriced, advertising laden cinema.