At CPAC, shirts are red, people are very predominantly white and “blue lives” matter. From a record attendance of well over 10,000, here are a few portraits of people who paid between $70 and $5,000 to cheer wildly for Dinesh D’Souzas’ new movie trailer and boo about “the Donald Trumps of the left,” whoever they might be.
Iowa Congressman Steve King continued to raise doubts about Barack Obama’s place of birth long after the president released his longform birth certificate. As late as last year, he was still asserting that wherever Obama may have been born, he was “not raised with an American experience.” Which is presumably why King just endorsed a real American—Canadian-born Ted Cruz—for president.
In 1996, C.J. Phillips met Charlie Rainwater and fell in love, as young self-identified “doggy dudes” do. Now, they’d like to have a polite, civil conversation—about their right to love each other, and anything else that’s vexing you. Which is why they parked a lovely website on the domain jebbushforpresident.com.
Duggars be damned: It turns out presidential Easter ham Mike Huckabee has another alleged child molester in his coterie. A prolific co-author of Huck’s and other Christian moralists’ books left his church and escaped prosecution when the statute of limitations ran out on his alleged sexual assaults of a young girl.
Some competitors thrive on being the underdog. Some find humor and vigor in humiliating setbacks. And some are just glass-jawed failure artists, their piled losses more befitting than any theoretical small victory. Rick Santorum is the latter, having reached mediocrity’s apogee while eating lunch alone on Monday.
Plaid-condom monogram Tucker Carlson is apparently a semi-regular on Alex Jones’s crazy-talk show, because even if jet fuel can’t melt steel, it can give eight pounds of frat-boy hair a lovely volumizing body. Here’s the duo riffing jazzlike on Obama’s very clearly Nazi-like tendency to embrace racial diversity.
Imagine a drama kid—without good looks, singing or dancing ability, who wants to be president, is pretty sure your opinions suck, and thinks you’re an idiot. You just imagined a college parliamentary debater. And who do college parliamentary debaters think are irritating, pitiful jagoffs? In the 1990s, it was Ted Cruz.