Connecticut Man Swears He Was Sleepwalking, Not Committing Armed Robbery. Also, This Is All a Dream.

Caity Weaver · 06/07/12 10:58PM

The next time you get caught doing something you shouldn't (stealing food off a friend's plate, coveting thy neighbor's wife, etc.) one way you could try to get out of it is by opening your eyes really wide and yelling "Oh, what, what time is it, where am I, oh, man, I was asleep, bro, I was fast asleep and I just woke up and found myself here doing something I shouldn't – what happened?"

Victim of Chimp Attack Wants to Sue the State

Louis Peitzman · 03/25/12 02:03PM

Charla Nash, the woman whose face and hands were ripped off by a friend's pet chimpanzee, is trying to sue the state of Connecticut. She claims that Governor Dannel P. Malloy — who was mayor of Stamford when the chimp first escaped in 2003 — knew about the danger and didn't do anything to prevent the attack.

Here's the Horrible Comedy Sketch About Rape That Has UConn in Uproar

Maureen O'Connor · 02/01/12 11:54AM

UConn, America's foremost institution of sports riots and male rage, is in uproar after student-run (and student-funded) television network UCTV aired a sketch comedy segment that depicted a crying girl using a blue-light phone while fleeing a possible rapist. As she attempts to escape, the robotic blue-light voices call her a "cock gobbler," a "stinky bitchy," a "blonde bitch," and a "howler monkey bitch" who is "crying rape." The sketch ends with the girl falling to the ground after her attacker strangles her in a dark parking lot.

Renee Zellweger Lists Your All-American Dream Home

Leah Beckmann · 12/13/11 11:30AM

Bridget Jones is selling her pile of rubble in Connecticut for $1.5 million. I kid! This home is beautiful and the most sensible thing for us to do is to pool our money together and buy this place. Would you get a look at that pool!

Why You Should Date Your Lawyer

Lauri Apple · 12/07/11 08:05AM

A bankruptcy attorney recently filed a 75-page brief with the Connecticut statewide grievance committee arguing that laws limiting relationships between lawyers and their clients are "unconstitutional." Not only that, lawyers tend to work harder for clients whom they date. Makes sense!

Random Man Wins Connecticut Election Thanks to a Typo

Seth Abramovitch · 11/23/11 10:37PM

The voters of Derby, Connecticut thought they were voting James R. Butler to a second term as head of the town's Board of Apportionment and Taxation, which oversees the budget. But someone on the Democratic Town Committee put the candidate's name down as James J. Butler — which happens to be the name of James R.'s 46-year-old son. Well, the good news is that James J. won! But the bad news is that he has no interest in politics, and voters thought they were voting for his 72-year-old father. Now no one has any idea what to do next.

Face Transplant Recipient Gives Her First Post-Op TV Interview

Lauri Apple · 10/27/11 07:53AM

Charla Nash, the Connecticut woman who miraculously survived a vicious attack by her neighbor's pet chimpanzee (his name was Travis!?) back in 2009 but lost her face and hands, has given her first interview since undergoing a face transplant earlier this year. In interviews she gave before her operation, she wore a veil to cover her face. Now she doesn't have to do that anymore, and she's relieved. "I just know that it's okay...and I don't have to worry about scaring anyone," she says during the interview, which the New York Post reports will be shown tonight on Channel 5 in the UK. She says she was "disappointed" that an attempt to replace her hands wasn't successful, but hopes that maybe another try will work out in the future. What a brave and inspiring woman.

Joe Lieberman Deciding Which Republican He Wants to Replace Him

Jim Newell · 10/24/11 12:00PM

It does not seem like a question of whether retiring Sen. Joe Lieberman will support a Republican in the race for his Senate seat, but which Republican he will support. Which one would annoy Democrats, the people he represented as a United States vice presidential candidate in 2000, the absolute most? This is a call he cannot afford to get wrong. Joe Lieberman is on the eve of great decisions.

Jocks Walk Out of Musical Over Gay Kiss

Lauri Apple · 10/19/11 07:19AM

The musical Zanna, Don't! is about a high school where all the smart kids are more popular than the dumb kids, being gay is the norm, and being straight is abnormal. In one scene, two guys briefly smooch. Big deal, right?

Connecticut Prisoners Protesting 'Unfair' Porn Ban

Lauri Apple · 10/09/11 06:09PM

Dissent is in the air in America! Even behind bars, the people are rising up against oppression. In Connecticut, prisoners have begun a letter-writing campaign to defend their right to own "pictorial depictions of sexual activity or nudity," otherwise known as Pornographic Magazines. Letters today! Hunger strikes tomorrow!

Repeated Drunken Demands for Three-Way Now an Arrestable Offense

Max Read · 10/01/11 09:46AM

Welcome to Barack Hussein Obama's America, folks, where you can be arrested for the so-called "crime" of calling a couple you sort of know and repeatedly demanding that they have a threesome with you. Whatever happened to the constitution, I ask you!

A 1,400-Pound Pumpkin Is Scarier Than You Think

Brian Moylan · 09/26/11 05:23PM

Just watch this giant pumpkin growing in Ken Desrosiers yard in Broad Brook, Connecticut. The 1,487 behemoth took only two and a half months to grow and Desrosiers captured the entire thing with time-lapse photography. We haven't seen this dedication to Halloween since old Roseanne episodes.

Blogger Arrested Over Threat to Joe Lieberman

Max Read · 08/09/11 07:51PM

There are a few guidelines to being a successful blogger: Update frequently. Promote your posts on social media. And don't describe Sen. Joe Lieberman as "one Jew, who we absolutely must shoot in the face (many times), ASAP."

Officers Shot During Kiddie Porn Bust at Harry Potter Movie

Brian Moylan · 07/18/11 03:03PM

cops were injured by "friendly fire" while trying to apprehend a child pornography suspect while he attended a midnight screening of the most recent Harry Potter movie. There are so many inappropriate "wand" jokes to make right now.

Connecticut Decriminalizes Marijuana

Max Read · 06/07/11 08:48PM

Connecticut became the 13th state to decriminalize marijuana on Tuesday with the passage of new legislation in the House of Representatives. Possession of less than a half-ounce of pot will garner you a $150 fine (one that increases with subsequent offenses); if you're under 21, you'll get a two-month suspension of your driver's license. Connecticut could save some $885,000 in court costs and attorney salaries, and make as much as $1.4 million in fines and fees, not to mention the obvious economic benefits for convenience stores. [Hartford Courant; image, of a Connecticut State Police officer removing a pot plant in 1996, via AP]