Now You Too Can Smell Like Bruce Willis

Richard Lawson · 07/06/10 10:44AM

The actor and bald person is releasing his scent all over America's face. His musk has been infused into cologne, body wash, and deodorant, and this Thursday you can buy it all. Hopefully it's Moonlighting-era smell, not Color of Night.

New Cologne For Men Lets You Smell Like a Vagina All Day Long

Mike Byhoff · 03/15/10 04:08PM

You're probably tired of smelling like steak and used diapers all day because, let's face it, you're disgusting. Maybe a fragrance is in order. It shouldn't be too offensive, but should remain familiar. Perhaps the literal scent of a woman?

Horrible Cologne Mails Body Parts To Reporters

Hamilton Nolan · 10/10/08 09:27AM

AXE Body Spray, the cologne of choice for rapists and lonely teens, scandalized the entire nation of India last month when it started running its ads there showing a man made of chocolate who walks around being eaten by women. It was all to promote their chocolate scent, to which I hope never to be exposed. Here in America, where reporters are more jaded, the company had to take more drastic measures to get attention:

Fragrance Woos Gays With Retro Beefcake

Hamilton Nolan · 06/10/08 09:17AM

Will these waggish fragrance marketing types ever stop with their cheeky penis humor? Eleven-year-old cologne wearers sure hope not! San Francisco—a popular home to gays—is all atwitter because of a new campaign by the giant ad agency Ogilvy for Tom of Finland, a new scent inspired by the famous homoerotic artist of the same name. They took posters of Tom's drawings, see, and positioned them just so next to protruding objects—that to a dirty mind might resemble a huge, hard cock! Such sophisticated appeal to the target demographic. The gays like that stuff, right? So they'll surely open their wallets for this:

French Image Of Manhood: Justin Timberlake

Hamilton Nolan · 02/22/08 05:30PM

Parfums Givenchy, which means "Givenchy Perfumes" in American, has picked Justin Timberlake as the face of its new men's cologne [Off The Rack]. The company president said the poppity pop star "is a world recognized trendsetter who redefines modern elegance." Sure he is. A better thing for Justin to put his face on: