Americans Will Be Drugged to Believe Their Soda Is Sweeter

Hamilton Nolan · 12/03/13 10:06AM

In the future, soda will not be some grotesque concoction of artificial flavors and sugar. In the future, soda will be a grotesque concoction of artificial flavors and mysterious taste bud-modifying chemical agents. Progress!

'Pepsi... Creates Culture and Embraces Individuality'

Hamilton Nolan · 05/07/12 12:54PM

What do you think when you hear the word "Pepsi?" Chances are you think, "I guess if you're outta Coke, yeah that's fine. Do you have Diet Coke? No? Mr. Pibb? No? Forget it. Pepsi's fine." But what The Pepsi Corporation would prefer you to think is, "A kind of brown swill with amazing marketing!"

New Dr Pepper: Ten Bold Calories of Penis Flavor

Hamilton Nolan · 02/21/11 12:50PM

Are you a 25-to-34-year-old male who prefers regular Dr Pepper, but wants fewer calories—and also knows that Diet Dr. Pepper is for queers? Allow us to introduce you to Dr Pepper Ten: ten masculine calories, made outta balls.