The Gallery of Dead Careers

Hamilton Nolan · 05/20/10 01:09PM

We invite you to gaze upon these dozen classic advertisements for jobs that long ago disappeared, mostly. (Not included: Journalist). Pine for the days of abundant taxidermy and banjo careers!

In Stock: African Children

Hamilton Nolan · 04/15/10 09:23AM

"AFRICAN BOY. Can be used as ash tray, cigarette tray, candy or nut dish. 5' high in black wrought iron. Round wooden head with beady eyes. If not available at your dealer send $2.00 to:" America. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

Old-Timey Ads Full of Sex Pervs, Weirdos

Hamilton Nolan · 02/23/10 11:19AM

In the olden days, the preferred way to sell chocolate milk powder was with pictures of futuristic scientists shining heat lamps onto the bottoms of naked young boys. Afterwards, families retreated to 7-Eleven parking lots to bask in nature's glow.

Hilarious Old Snuggie Ancestor Unearthed

Hamilton Nolan · 12/16/09 04:55PM

Robe scientists have discovered the earliest known Snuggie/ Slanket ancestor: "The Bundler." Which is apparently just footie pajamas held on with rubber bands? "Deliciously sexy on her, smoothly good-looking on him." No it's not. [Flickr via Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

What Is 'Funky?'

Hamilton Nolan · 12/14/09 05:00PM

We encourage anyone struggling with the definition of "Funky" to click to enlarge this vintage ad. HINT: Rhinestones, Tulip™ slick paints, and sparkling jackets all play a prominent role in The Funk. [Vintage Ads via Copyranter]

Murderous Pistol Cannot Hurt You

Hamilton Nolan · 11/24/09 05:17PM

Iver Johnson Revolvers "are not toys: they shoot straight and kill." Nevertheless, they're "absolutely safe," and "Papa says they won't hurt us." In 1913, as now, gun owners were mainly schizophrenics. [Copyranter]

When Cigarette Ads Had Balls

Hamilton Nolan · 10/01/09 03:20PM

In five years, will you be a wheezing, blackened mess? Or—conversely—will you have five more years of tobacco byproducts in your lungs? Well. You have to admire their "Lie big or lie dead" attitude. Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

'DDT Is Good For Me-e-e!'

Hamilton Nolan · 09/02/09 11:15AM

"During 1946, exhaustive scientific tests have shown that, when properly used, DDT kills a host of destructive insect pests, and is a benefactor of all humanity." And cancer. Copyranter found a particularly good one today. Click through for full version.

Keep Your Baby Fresh, In Cellophane

Hamilton Nolan · 06/09/09 10:08AM

"Good things are twice as good in cellophane." You know, this would be just as powerful if it were an ad for microwaves. Yes, it's real! Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts

Hamilton Nolan · 06/01/09 09:43AM

Here's what Grape Nuts is, really: wheat, barley, yeast, water. Here's what Grape Nuts is not: everything they told you it was.

When Appliances Made Americans Weird

Hamilton Nolan · 04/27/09 04:15PM

Classic appliance ads from the halcyon days when women were in the kitchen, dad was drunk in the den, and kids were really fucking creepy-looking: is there anything better?