Promises, Passages, Wonderland: We'll forgive you if you can't seem to keep your celebrity rehab centers/resorts straight. The current issue of The New Yorker takes a look inside Wonderland, which is where Lindsay Lohan spent some time and where Mike Tyson spent more than a year. Wonderland isn't cheap—a private room runs $58,000 a month and, obviously, the place doesn't take insurance. But it sure is convenient! You can pop in for as little as two or three days at a time, which is great for celebs who want to drum up a little tabloid attention but don't want to pay for the media coverage with a month of their lives. Wonderland has no problem if you'd like to bring your dogs with you. Assuming the withdrawal process hasn't destroyed your appetite, you won't have to worry about inedible cafeteria food. (How does grilled lobster in garlic butter for lunch and Chilean sea bass with plum syrup for dinner sound?) And you can use your cell phone, too, which is a major plus if you need to dial up your dealer while you're there. Of course, Wonderland is hardly the only option if you're looking to take care of your coke or alcohol problem, and you'd like to mingle with a few B-listers at the same time. After the jump, a list of six other rehab resorts popular with the boldface set.
Everyone’s favorite tipsy greaser Kirsten Dunst is reportedly claiming her month-long stay at rehab center-to-the-stars Cirque Lodge was just a quick fix for feeling down in the dumps. As the actress recently told E! Online, she was not in a state of Natasha Lyonne meth-face madness, nor was she popping pills or playing the Brits’ favorite party game of Booze Snorting — she was just depressed! But when we gave the Cirque Lodge's admission guidelines a quick once over, we found no mention of specific plans aimed at those suffering simply from depression. So we decided to place a call to the Cirque Lodge today to see if our dear Kirsten just might be telling the truth. Sadly, as the Magic 8-Ball might say, "Outlook Not So Good." Here's what the spokesperson we spoke to today told us:
For quite some time now, Kirsten Dunst has been just as well known for her rumored drug and alcohol issues as she has been for her film career (Wimbledon, anyone?). But after years of media accusations about her alleged issues with substance abuse, Dunst confided to E! chatterbox Marc Malkin that her trip to rehab a few months ago had nothing to do with booze or blow and everything to do with suffering from depression.
That Cirque Lodge in Utah sure sounds like one helluva wonder drug. After spending several weeks there attending to what TMZ claimed was a"substance abuse" problem, Eva checked out on February 7th (the same day Kiki Dunst checked in!), but was recently seen joyriding through the weekend party circuit. (Lest you forget, Ms. Mendes was once a Campari model.) But Eva's not the only Cirque alum who hasn't quite kicked whatever habit they went in there with; illustrious fellow Cirque-ers include David Hasselhoff, Mary-Kate Olsen, Richie Sambora and our favorite topless "art" model, Lindsay Lohan. So how well did each of these stellar examples of tip top health fare after leaving the Lodge, sober certificate in hand? From hamburgers to hoovering powder on the beach, the verdict is in.
Skipping past the block-long line of bottomed-out starlets shivering in their heels as they hoped to gain entrance to Utah's Cirque Lodge, all it took was one weary gaze cast up from beneath a floppy-brimmed hat for the doorman at the hottest rehab facility in the country to unhook the velvet rope from its stanchion and give Kirsten Dunst VIP access. Inside, the Spider-Man series star, for years now dubbed Kirsten Drunkst by an unfeeling tabloid blogging press (curious as to why? This 2005 AskMen.com article, "Why do people call her Kirsten Drunkst?" should answer all your crunk Mary Jane questions) was instantly transported to the Lindsay Lohan Welcome Center and Karaoke Facility for a sparkling cider brunch.