Hogwarts Democracy Threatened by Insurgent Undead

Natasha VC · 07/15/09 11:04AM

Are you still trying to write the perfect 140 character review for Harry Potter? Whatever you say, Quentin Tarantino thinks he could do it better. Also, they're going to bring back the Twlight Zone it will be the awful revision.

Axl Rose Kills US Economy

Hamilton Nolan · 12/16/08 01:34PM

Ridiculously braided Guns "N" Roses frontman Axl Rose is destroying our national economy this holiday season through sloth and anger. And, even more, by not selling any freakin records:

Chinese Were The Only People Taken By Surprise When Chinese Democracy Finally Came Out

Richard Lawson · 11/24/08 02:11PM

After 17 years of false starts and whispery rumors, no one was shocked when Chinese Democracy, Guns N' Roses' (well, Axl Rose's at least) newest and much-delayed album, was finally released last week. Except for the, well, Chinese! As if they were living under some sort of all-the-way-around-the-world rock or something, this is apparently the first the Communist-y supernation has heard of the album. And they are not happy about it. The album's title is "venomously attacking China," according to national Chinese newspaper the Global Times. The album is laden with commentary on the Chinese government, referencing the banned spiritual practice of Falun Gong and featuring the 1989-y lyric: "if your Great Wall rocks blame yourself." (If you're Great Wall's a rockin', you're probably doin' the knockin'! Of boots! Chinese boots!) But, c'mon, we've known the title of this thing for years, and the Chinese are just now getting mad about it? They could have been raging about this since, like, before the internet even existed! Where were the pamphlets about how the album is a Western tool meant to "grasp and control the world using democracy as a pawn"? I mean, it's true! And it's also about rockin' out! Their reaction, though resoundingly nationalistic and scary, is probably kind of what Axl and his newish bandmates were hoping for here stateside. Instead all they got was a deliciously side-winding review by Chuck Klosterman, and sad opening day debuts at Best Buy. So, I guess it just goes to show that the world has changed a lot since last we Used Our Illusion, but China hasn't noticed. Because, you know, they've been focusing on slightly bigger things. China State Media Blast New Guns N' Roses Album [AP]

More 'Complications' on the Way For New, Underwhelming Guns N' Roses Album?

STV · 10/22/08 10:45AM

Guns N' Roses takes its 15-year battle with irrelevance straight to the people today, officially releasing the title track of its long, long, long, long-delayed album Chinese Democracy after years of leaks, lawsuits and general internecine drama that left a once-great rock band in yawning disarray. We've tired enough of attempting to keep up that we hadn't bothered tracking down the new single before this morning (you can hear it after the jump); it's about as soft as Axl Rose's cosmetically burnished features and, as presumed, won't make us forget anything on Appetite For Destruction. And thank goodness, because despite Democracy's Nov. 23 release date finally laid down by Interscope Records, GNR's manager hinted to Entertainment Weekly today that even more "complications" are imminent.Somewhat intriguingly, EW retracted this morning's item headlined, "Guns N' Roses manger: 'Great art takes time'" almost as soon as it was published — right around the time the single first hit the radio and began streaming online. But why? After all, rock managers are chronically bloated with braggadocio, even if shaking up their band's label and exclusive retail partners at Best Buy with suggestions that Nov. 23 doesn't really mean Nov. 23:

Wal-Mart Rocks The Hardest

Hamilton Nolan · 08/18/08 01:26PM

Guns "N" Roses' "new" album Chinese Democracy-insert standard joke about album taking longer to happen than actual democracy in China-reportedly stands a good chance of being sold exclusively at Wal-Mart. This comes on the same day that AC/ DC announced that it will be selling its new album exclusively at Wal-Mart. Maybe because the soul-crushing retailer has been forced to accept a union at a store in Canada, it's now progressive enough for this to be acceptable? Either that or rock and roll is dead. [via Adfreak]

World War Weinstein Ensues as Harvey Finds Film Scuttled by Chinese Government

STV · 04/02/08 01:20PM

When it rains, it pours for our beloved Harvey Weinstein, assailed on all sides by Star Wars geeks, wayward film critics and now the Chinese government, whose leery rebuke of Western cinema following the art-smut epic Lust, Caution resulted in yanked permits for his forthcoming John Cusack/Gong Li romance, Shanghai. The sudden change of heart after three months of pre-production provoked Harvey to exotically blow off some steam call an emergency scouting summit in the Far East:

mark · 11/29/07 07:55PM

Putting his finger on a vague something that's been missing from this holiday season, a San Francisco Chronicle writer realizes that it's a lack of rumors about the imminent release of Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy that's bugging him, then provides a timeline of all the times that Axl Rose, like a creatively blocked Grinch in a kilt and catcher's chest protector, has let the world down since 1999:
"May 11, 2001: The New York Daily News quotes an "insider," who says the album is basically done. "The album has been finished to everybody else's satisfaction for over a year now," the source says. "But Axl keeps going back to remix it and add vocals." []