Tom Hanks' Son Chet Is America's Only Good Pundit

Ashley Feinberg · 12/10/15 12:07PM

Chet Hanks, free speech enthusiast and son of Tom Hanks (known for his role as “Dr. Dwayne Twitchell” in Season 10, Episode 5 of Happy Days), has been thinking a lot about this year’s electoral circus. Thoughts which he has kindly boiled down for us in a three-part Instagram video series that begins: “Pshhht, pthhssshttt, PSHHHTTHT.”

Chet Haze Speaks Out on a Variety of Topics

Hamilton Nolan · 12/11/14 03:45PM

Chet Haze, the biological son of Hollywood star Tom Hanks and America's unintentionally funniest young man, is speaking out via social media after a variety of hilarious Chet Haze-related events.

Chet Haze Goes to Africa

Hamilton Nolan · 08/07/12 10:27AM

"Africa is so beautiful! Everyone MUST visit at least one time in their life!" says Chester "Chet" Hanks "Haze," the rapping 22 year-old scion of an immensely wealthy A-list Hollywood movie star, in his inimitable declarative style. Here he is, pictured above, posing in a typical African dwelling amid local flora and fauna.

Recent Chet Haze Statements, in Descending Order of Self-Awareness

Hamilton Nolan · 06/25/12 02:11PM

Okay, here is the ABSOLUTELY TRUE setup to the jokes which you are about to hear: Chester M. "Chet Haze" Hanks is the Northwestern University-educated son of multimillionaire Oscar-winning Hollywood superstar Tom Hanks. The very definition of a self-made man, in other words. And he's a rapper. Haha. But wait, scratch that—now he's an R&B singer. Haha. I know. Here's his new single. Haha. Stop it, wait, we're getting to the point here. So anyhow, Chet Haze is active on Twitter, for the fans. If you haven't been reading in the past few days, you've missed out, yo:

Ayo Chet Haze Isn't Down With Weak Kids Who Kill Themselves

Hamilton Nolan · 05/09/12 10:49AM

So then, let's all, in unison, read this thing written on the Twitter yesterday (and then deleted) by Chet Haze, the best rapping son of an Academy Award winner Northwestern University has seen since Peter Fonda drunkenly performed "My Adidas" on the quad in 1986. This could be Chet Haze's most controversial piece of Twitter wisdom since "What's your sex playlist called? Mines called 'we fuckin' LOL I'm serious tho."

The Collected Wisdom of Chet Haze

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/12 04:50PM

Here we are six weeks into 2012, and we've barely even stopped to contemplate all of the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that pours forth from Northwestern University rap star and Tom Hanks scion Chet Haze. We will now remedy that. Below, a thorough review of all of Chet's wisdom shared on Twitter thus far this year. Absorb that shit.

Urgent! Chet Hanks Needs Help Finishing His Final Paper

Lauri Apple · 12/05/11 07:08AM

A Northwestern University student-tipster who's enrolled in the same American history class as Chet Haze—the rapping, acting, West Side (of Evanston)-dominating consequence of Tom Hanks' potent ejaculate—passed along this email that Haze sent across a listserv at 4 AM this morning:

Chet Haze Is Getting Wacker

Hamilton Nolan · 06/02/11 12:39PM

Hello, America. Chet Haze—Northwestern University's most prominent rapper-actor whose father starred in Turner & Hooch— has released a new track. This one really is some janky, Justin Timberlake-grabs-the-mic-at-the-8th-grade-school-dance type shit. More so than before. Anyhow, enjoy.