Sitting in a harshly lit anteroom, you watch a doomsday prophet don a pair of dark goggles. He leads three sycophants in some vulgar ceremony, dipping his face into a vessel of synthetic orange powder and instructing the servants to do the same. Is that Cheeto dust? You pinch yourself and flail, desperate to wake up, but this is no nightmare. This is yesterday’s episode of The Glenn Beck Program, hosted by Glenn Beck.
For years, the foodie "movement" was defined by its pretension: complicated cocktails were served in twee Mason jars, exotic spices topped affected dishes, and every trashy pastry was elevated into a delicacy. But that era's over. Now in San Francisco, the new leading exporter of obnoxiousness, there's a new king in the cupboard: monosodium glutamate.
After a brief, fruitful detour into Crazytown, pop starlet Britney Spears appeared to be on the mend: first there was the How I Met Your Mother cameo, then a sanity-spurred decline in baiting the paparazzi, then even a self-mocking MTV promo taped with Russell Brand! Things seemed to be going so well that we hardly batted an eye when OK! announced that Spears would be granting them her first interview in two years (after memorably storming out of her last encounter with the magazine). Then we saw the pictures. And the bag of Cheetos.Britney, Britney, Britney. Shouldn't you know by now that you've become so associated with a white-trash, Cheetos-chomping image that the last thing you should do is give the snack food priority placement during your comeback photoshoot? At least Spears evinced a semblance of self-awareness when she vetoed the idea that her children might follow her into the entertainment industry. Says OK!: