Devastating Anomie of Modern Life Cured by Velveeta Cheesy Skillets

Hamilton Nolan · 08/11/11 11:45AM

Velveeta™ brand products are much like America itself: chemical-laden, unnaturally orange, and composed primarily of Cheez. So it's unsurprising that Velveeta convenient meals division brand manager Adam Grablick's comment on the process of chemically concocting, packaging, rolling out, and promoting the new Velveeta Cheesy Skillets would serve to crystallize the fundamental hopelessness that has overtaken us as a people more clearly than anything else.

Do You Like Romantic Comedies? Then Plain Jane is For You

Whitney Jefferson · 07/29/10 04:28PM

And for me! Because I love chick-flicks. The premise of the show is as follows: a (barely) geeky girl is taken under the wing of a style/life adviser, made over, and forced to tell her crush she likes him.

Italian Police Seize 70,000 Balls of Blue Mozzarella Cheese

Max Read · 06/20/10 11:03PM

Italian police in Turin have confiscated several thousand servings of mozzarella because it "turned blue after contact with air." This is the second-worst thing to happen to Italy this weekend, after drawing with New Zealand in the World Cup. [AP]

Russell Crowe Is Shocked To Hear The News!

Douglas Reinhardt · 10/06/08 02:44PM

Click to At the premiere of Body Of Lies, Russell Crowe was shocked to hear that one of the reporters on the red carpet was not a fan of cheese. The rough and tumble Aussie actor couldn’t believe that the reporter did not enjoy one of the finest things in life. Crowe said, “Perhaps, this woman has been given the wrong cheese and maybe I’m the person to teach her about the ways of proper cheese consumption. I love CHEESE! Give me a nice slice of Havarti and a beautiful Bordeaux and I’m as tame as a baby kitten.” [Photo Credit: WENN] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

abalk · 09/17/07 11:10AM

"WWW.CHEDDARVISION.TV: It must rank as one of the weirdest spectator sports, having attracted a global audience of more than 1.5 million in less than a year, and it involves, literally, nothing happening. People across the globe have been logging on to a website in huge numbers to watch a 44lb handmade cheddar cheese from Shepton Mallet slowly mature. Addicted surfers have, over the last nine months, been able to admire the Somerset-based cheese, named Wedginald by its creators. So far, 1,525,548 are registered as having logged on. " [Times (U.K.)]

Remainders: BlackBerry Black Out

Emily Gould · 04/18/07 05:46PM
  • A sociology professor on the BlackBerry outage and the damage done: "It's hard to speculate on exactly what kind of effects this BlackBerry outage could have, but I imagine that users could feel isolated and alone." GOOD! [Popular Mechanics]