Hamilton Nolan · 04/13/16 12:45PM

“If the shell isn’t fried the proper 90 seconds or if it sits for more than 15 minutes after cooking, the cheese hardens and won’t be melty enough for a proper stringy bridge between separated pieces.” The complex machinations behind the Taco Bell Quesalupa.

Cheez Is Healthy, For the Right Price

Hamilton Nolan · 03/24/15 08:53AM

Though I enjoy a good slice of American Cheez Food Product as much as the next unsophisticated child, I would not be so bold as to declare that product to be "healthy." Prestigious nutritionists bound to differ!

Winner of Cheese Competition "Doesn't Really Like Cheese"

Aleksander Chan · 05/26/14 11:17AM

There is a tradition in Gloucestershire, England where a bunch of men race down a steep hill chasing wheels of cheese. It's called "cheese-rolling." Oddly, especially given this country's longstanding obsession with slathering their food in cheeses, the cheese-roll has yet to become the stateside sensation it so clearly could be.

Philadelphia Searching For Swiss Cheese Masturbator

Jordan Sargent · 01/11/14 03:05PM

That man you see above is holding a slice of Swiss cheese over his dick. He is currently driving around the Mayfair area of Philadelphia asking women to use the slice of cheese while jerking him off.

Cord Jefferson · 12/24/13 01:53PM

Milwaukee has begun repurposing its surplus of cheese brine to de-ice its roads: "You want to use provolone or mozzarella. Those have the best salt content. You have to do practically nothing to it."

Crooked Canadian Cop Busted for Cheese Smuggling

Taylor Berman · 09/27/12 08:09PM

A Canadian police officer and two others were arrested and charged with being part of a "major cheese-smuggling ring." Constable Scott Heron of the Niagara Regional Police and his two partners were charged with conspiracy, smuggling and other customs violations for allegedly transporting over $200,000 of cheese into Canada from the United States without paying any taxes.

CDC Recalls 4,800 Pounds of Deadly Ricotta Cheese

Taylor Berman · 09/12/12 06:48PM

Bad news, everyone: the CDC announced today it was recalling 800 wheels, or roughly 4,800 pounds, of ricotta salata cheese. The ricotta salata in question is tainted with listeria, which is a salmonella-like pathogen that will make you incredibly sick if you're old, pregnant, sick or a (figurative/literal) baby. I was going to say something like, "But who cares because Ricotta is obviously the lamest non-cottage cheese," but it turns out ricotta salata is not the boring mushy stuff in lasagna. It's instead a "salty, white cheese made from pasteurized sheep's milk," which sounds gross enough without the listeria. So far 14 people have gotten sick, with at least one confirmed death.

America Can't Get Enough Pepper Jack!

Hamilton Nolan · 03/05/12 10:47AM

Watch out, American™ Cheez™—there is a new flavor of cheese "in town" that people are eating a lot of! That would be pepper jack—a fiesta of flavor in your mouth area due to the mixing of peppers inside of the cheez. It's not just hungry Americans shoving entire bricks of pepper jack into their drooling maws during their voracious Ambien-fueled sleepwalks—it's on Chik'n™ sandwiches too!

I Hate Cheese

Brian Moylan · 02/08/12 04:30PM

I've set off some explosive truth bombs in my day, but I think this is going to be the most controversial thing I have ever published: I hate cheese.