Celery: Nothing Tastes as Good as Death Feels

Gabrielle Bluestone · 12/02/15 11:02AM

Conventional wisdom holds if you want to be skinny, eat a bunch of celery. Here’s why: It’s not because chewing it requires more calories than a single stalk contains—a fact I learned in middle school but have not, in fact, ever verified.

The Three Most Vicious Lies About Celery

Mallory Ortberg · 01/26/13 02:12PM

Certain things cannot be borne. There are limits to what the people will put up with from its news outlets, and the Times' recent attempt to trick us all into eating celery goes beyond the confines of human decency.

The 12 Most Pesticide-Contaminated Fruits and Vegetables

Max Read · 06/01/10 11:34PM

The Environmental Working Group, a public health nonprofit, has created a list of the fruits and vegetables most contaminated by pesticides according to the government's produce pesticide reports. Do you like peaches? Than you may not want to keep reading.

Celery: Helping Old People Avoid Using the Internet Forever

Whitney Jefferson · 12/18/09 02:25PM

Here comes another over-complicated and unnecessary product out just in time for the holidays! Celery is a service that saves your beloved elders from ever learning how to use the internet. Because they're old and dying, so what's the point?