Chet Haze Speaks Out on a Variety of Topics

Hamilton Nolan · 12/11/14 03:45PM

Chet Haze, the biological son of Hollywood star Tom Hanks and America's unintentionally funniest young man, is speaking out via social media after a variety of hilarious Chet Haze-related events.

Hamilton Nolan · 09/24/14 12:15PM

The Hollywood Reporter's fawning new profile of CBS boss Les Moonves—one of the media's most overpaid CEOs—reminds us that his daughter Sara is an editor at Vogue, and you're not.

Chelsea Clinton: Money Ain't a Thing

Hamilton Nolan · 06/23/14 12:26PM

Chelsea Clinton, a woman who was paid $600,000 per year by a television network just to be named "Chelsea Clinton," has been doing some soul-searching. "I was curious if I could care about [money] on some fundamental level, and I couldn't," she says. "That wasn't the metric of success I wanted in my life."

Ronan Farrow Is Looking at You Right Now

J.K. Trotter · 10/09/13 01:38PM

Ronan Farrow—the 25 year-old Rhodes Scholar, Yale Law School grad, UNICEF spokesman, advisor to Hillary Clinton and the Obama administration, recognized Twitter user, and son of Mia Farrow and either Woody Allen or Frank Sinatra—has his powder blue eyes fixed on you, TV watcher, right this second. Don’t look away.

The Saga of Chet Haze's Lost iPad

Hamilton Nolan · 02/06/13 11:22AM

If you enjoyed the heart-pounding action of Saving Private Ryan and the taut intrigue of The Da Vinci Code, you'll love dynamic thrill ride that is: The Son of the Star of Those Movies Lost His iPad.

Chet Haze Thinks You Voters Are Pathetic

Hamilton Nolan · 11/07/12 11:53AM

Feeling pretty satisfied with yourselves this morning, Obama supporters? Feeling real "proud" that your man won? Feeling nice and positive about all the "good things" that might happen over the next four years?

Chet Haze Goes to Africa

Hamilton Nolan · 08/07/12 10:27AM

"Africa is so beautiful! Everyone MUST visit at least one time in their life!" says Chester "Chet" Hanks "Haze," the rapping 22 year-old scion of an immensely wealthy A-list Hollywood movie star, in his inimitable declarative style. Here he is, pictured above, posing in a typical African dwelling amid local flora and fauna.

Recent Chet Haze Statements, in Descending Order of Self-Awareness

Hamilton Nolan · 06/25/12 02:11PM

Okay, here is the ABSOLUTELY TRUE setup to the jokes which you are about to hear: Chester M. "Chet Haze" Hanks is the Northwestern University-educated son of multimillionaire Oscar-winning Hollywood superstar Tom Hanks. The very definition of a self-made man, in other words. And he's a rapper. Haha. But wait, scratch that—now he's an R&B singer. Haha. I know. Here's his new single. Haha. Stop it, wait, we're getting to the point here. So anyhow, Chet Haze is active on Twitter, for the fans. If you haven't been reading in the past few days, you've missed out, yo:

Ayo Chet Haze Isn't Down With Weak Kids Who Kill Themselves

Hamilton Nolan · 05/09/12 10:49AM

So then, let's all, in unison, read this thing written on the Twitter yesterday (and then deleted) by Chet Haze, the best rapping son of an Academy Award winner Northwestern University has seen since Peter Fonda drunkenly performed "My Adidas" on the quad in 1986. This could be Chet Haze's most controversial piece of Twitter wisdom since "What's your sex playlist called? Mines called 'we fuckin' LOL I'm serious tho."

Nepotistic Celebukid Not the Next Edward R. Murrow After All

Hamilton Nolan · 04/17/12 12:44PM

Last year, NBC News hired Chelsea Clinton to "report" on things for them, because here in America, major news networks are purely in the entertainment business and the privileges of dynastic nepotism will get you everywhere. That is why she was hired. Because of who her parents are. It has nothing to do with her abilities, or the concept of "journalism." I'm sure she's nice and smart and all. But that is not why she was hired by NBC News. Okay? Now. How is that going?