Franken-Car With Two Front Ends Keeps Spinning and Spinning and Spinning

Andy Cush · 01/20/15 10:07AM

Wooooo yeah. In Hugh Lofting's classic children's book Dr. Doolittle, there's an imaginary animal called a pushmi-pullyu. Shit yeah. It has two heads, one on either end of its body, and can't move because it's always pulling itself in two directions at once. Hell yeah. This is kind of like that, except instead of a weird goat thing, it's a VW Passat, and instead of standing in place, it's doing the most bitchin' donuts you've ever seen. Awwwww fuck yeah!

Lucky Bastard Jerry Seinfeld Grabs Coffee With Amy Schumer

Jay Hathaway · 11/14/14 03:11PM

Jerry Seinfeld's "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee," a webseries about Seinfeld getting paid to drive classic and/or expensive automobiles, just picked up Amy Schumer in a semi-functional '70s Ferrari for a chat about dating, having a short temper, psychotherapy, and whether Kate Upton is funny (no).

This Man Has Fucked 700 Cars, a Few Helicopters, and One Human Woman

Andy Cush · 10/14/14 01:48PM

It's a tale as old as time: boy meets car, boy fucks car, boy moves on, lives life, fucks more cars, gets confused, fucks human, falls in love (with car), settles down, keeps a few sidepieces, and fucks a helicopter here and there, too, whenever he can get it.

Flying Hatchet Nearly Impales Woman in Car on I-95

Adam Weinstein · 07/30/14 12:45PM

This is an axe in a windshield on I-95 in Massachusetts. How did this particular axe get in that particular windshield, not far from that particular woman's head? The Massachusetts State Police explain:

Drunk Guy Claims His Dog Drove Him to the Store

Andy Cush · 07/03/14 01:55PM

Wesley Mark Terrell, a 60-year-old man from Oconee County, Georgia, had a perfectly reasonable explanation when cops asked him about the dog that was locked inside his car on a recent 99-degree day.

In Corporate Prison at the Ford Trend Conference

Hamilton Nolan · 06/30/14 09:30AM

The day before I went to Detroit, the city imposed a curfew due to fears of violence. The city was also in the process of shutting off water to thousands of its residents. It sounds bad. But as long as you stay inside a sealed corporate bubble the whole time, you'll never even know these problems exist.

Dayna Evans · 06/02/14 08:00PM

In case you were worried, police have recovered Miley Cyrus' missing Maserati. It was found in Simi Valley, 45 miles northwest of Los Angeles. Fan fiction entitled "The Adventures of Miley Cyrus' Missing Maserati" is a free idea for the taking.

Adam Weinstein · 04/29/14 12:27PM

Researchers are feverishly working on a "GPS bullet" that cops could shoot at your car, attaching itself to the chassis and helping law enforcement track your vehicle's movements. Don't worry, the ACLU is... not entirely against it? Hrmm.

Natural Gas For Cars Does Not Help the Environment

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/14 10:31AM

You care about the environment, eh? You want to stop global warming? You support switching cars and trucks and buses to "clean burning natural gas?" Wrong! Our best-laid plans only hasten our demise.