Above is a highlight reel of last night's Roast of Roseanne on Comedy Central. Its messiness was an aesthetic choice — many members of the panel, whose star power was repeatedly called out for being underwhelming, aired out their dirty laundry. Carrie Fisher talked about her addiction and its affect on her memory, but best of all was when she read Jeff Ross with drag queen's precision. Ellen Barkin talked about popping Valium and drinking several cocktails before taking the stage — good thing, because I wanted to get to the bottom of why she could barely open her eyes all night before that. Gilbert Gottfried joked about his tsunami joke that went awry and got him fired as the Aflac duck's voice last year. He wants his job back, of course.
Kim Kardashian officially turns 29 today, even though she got paid $50,000 to celebrate the big event in Las Vegas last week. Judith Sheindlin, better known as Judge Judy, turns 67. Saturday Night Live co-producer Marci Klein is turning 43. Actress Carrie Fisher is 53. Patti Davis, daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan, turns 57. Jade Jagger, social scenester and daughter of Mick and Bianca, is turning 38. Former Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy is 57. Liliane Bettencourt, heir to the L'Oreal fortune and the second richest person in France, is 87. And Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu turns 60 today.
For 24 young women, this weekend marks a milestone in their lives: They will make their formal debut into society, just as if they were a bunch of sheltered virgins rather than the jaded and worldly daughters of the rich and powerful. The annual Crillon Ball, tirelessly organized by Parisian Ophélie Renouard, is taking place on Saturday, and WWD talks to a few of the lucky attendees about their dresses, and "escorts."
Two role models to women everywhere are celebrating birthdays today: The feisty Judith Sheindlin (that's Judge Judy to you) is 66. The very modest reality TV personality and sex tape star Kim Kardashian is celebrating her 28th birthday today. Others with a birthday cake in their immediate futures: Marci Klein, Lorne Michaels' right-hand at SNL (and the daughter of Calvin) is 42. Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy is 56. Jade Jagger—socialite, jewelery designer, and offspring of Mick and Bianca—is turning 37. Indie film producer Jason Kliot is 45. Actress Carrie Fisher is 52. And former Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu is 59.
Though the sight of Princess Leia in a gold bikini could make any gay geek question his sexuality, being married to Carrie Fisher apparently had the opposite effect on CAA superagent Bryan Lourd. The two were together for three years (he fathered Fisher's daughter Billie in 1992) before Lourd famously left Fisher for another man. Now, in her new memoir Wishful Drinking, Fisher claims that Lourd blamed her and her pill-popping ways for making him gay. Page Six has the excerpt:
A story in Sunday's LAT did the unthinkable by finally pointing out the big Botoxed elephant in the room: no matter how painfully obvious it is to viewers, many stars who get nipped and tucked insist on denying it. But as the Times argues, just how many episodes of this season's Dancing With The Stars or Desperate Housewives can we sit through before drawing our own conclusions? Have you seen Priscilla Presley lately? And if celebrities are going so far as to undergo actual "head transplants," when will they finally start fessing up? We took a look at a few of the stars in question, such as Teri Hatcher and Carrie Fisher, to innocently throw some visual evidence into the mix.
There is perhaps nothing more awe-inducing than when internet-enabled mortal and celebrity obsession come together through the power of the blogspots. But unlike If I Blog It They Will Come, a blog that existed for no reason but to post a picture of Kevin Costner holding up their homepage (and succeeded), the PopMuse blog was just venting about pet ailments when who should stop by in the comments section but their epileptic dog's Alderaanian namesake:
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and blow our minds with your ability to recognize cast members from Sha-Na-Na.
· Celebrities terminate their unwanted pregnancies, just like us!
· George Clooney kicks off his paparazzi-foiling master plan by allowing himself to be photographed with a Deal or No Deal briefcase-opening technician. He's really mixing things up right off the bat.
· Finding a dead, gay Republican in her bed was just too much for Carrie Fisher's sobriety to bear.
For the latest in Mark Foley-related fun, we once again refer you to page-protective sister site Wonkette, where dramatic readings of old naughty IMs and links to new, naughty IMs are readily available.
These fake Free Anna Nicole shirts only hint at the hastily designed, topical Cafe Press delights to come.