Carly Fiorina was a candidate for Vice President for six days—a period of time in which she managed to sing a creepy song, fall off of a stage, and fail just one more time in her ongoing quest to attain political office. It was a long 144 hours—just a few hours shy of how long James Franco’s arm got stuck in that rock in that one movie.
Carly Fiorina hasn’t been able to claim very many “wins” in her life. HP was a disaster. Her run for the Senate was a disaster. And most recently, her bid for the presidency was a disaster. But now, Carly Fiorina has made her gravest mistake of all: Accepting a position in which she’s forced to touch Ted Cruz constantly.
Now that Carly Fiorina and Ted Cruz are totally best friends, they may have put whatever squabbles they had as competitors for the Republican presidential nomination behind them. But that doesn’t mean we can’t relive the best moments of their enmity, such as when Fiorina said “Ted Cruz cannot possibly beat Hillary Clinton” on Fox News.
Carly Fiorina said several things during her speech today accepting Ted Cruz’s offer to be his vice president, but the striking part was what she left unsaid. She sang a song.
The undercard of tonight’s GOP debate (yes, another one) began at 6 p.m. on Fox News, a time when very few people are at home engaging with their televisions. The debates are so openly pointless that Rand Paul didn’t even bother to show up to this one, choosing instead to do anything other than listen to Rick Santorum’s fossilized god warrior shtick for the hundredth time.
The Rose Bowl, a college football game traditionally played on New Year’s Day, is a celebration of American regionalism. Historically, it pitted the champion of the Midwest’s Big Ten Conference against the champion of the Pacific Coast Conference (or its successors). The arrangement has been modified and undermined by conference realignment and college championship schemes, but most years, the premise still holds: two teams representing separate places with separate histories and cultures, West Coast versus heartland.