Carly Fiorina Comes Out Singing

Gabrielle Bluestone · 04/27/16 04:28PM

Carly Fiorina said several things during her speech today accepting Ted Cruz’s offer to be his vice president, but the striking part was what she left unsaid. She sang a song.

Hamilton Nolan · 02/11/16 11:27AM

Three hours after Carly Fiorina ended her presidential campaign yesterday, her reps sent out an email announcing that she’s “now available for speaking engagements around the world.” The system works.

All the Words Carly Fiorina Will Never Say 

Allie Jones · 02/10/16 04:42PM

Carly Fiorina suspended her campaign for president this afternoon, having failed to claim any delegates in the New Hampshire primary. This is good for the country, but also kind of sad, because there is so much that Carly Fiorina has left unsaid.

Ashley Feinberg · 02/10/16 03:14PM

Failed former HP CEO and now-failed candidate for president Carly Fiorina has decided to suspend her campaign. Bye Carly.

Allie Jones · 01/26/16 02:26PM

Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina, who is currently polling at one percent in Iowa, has a message for those who think she has zero chance of winning the election. “Polls don’t win elections,” she said at a campaign event in Iowa City today.

Carly Fiorina Accused of Stealing a Group of Toddlers For a Pro-Life Rally

Gabrielle Bluestone · 01/21/16 10:49AM

On Wednesday, Carly Fiorina just happened to give a speech on the dangers of abortion and organ harvesting in front of a group of small, bored-looking toddlers. One of the many problems with that scene, say the kids’ parents, is that she liberated them from a school trip without permission.

Gaze Upon How Badly Carly Fiorina Craves Attention

Jordan Sargent · 01/14/16 07:25PM

The undercard of tonight’s GOP debate (yes, another one) began at 6 p.m. on Fox News, a time when very few people are at home engaging with their televisions. The debates are so openly pointless that Rand Paul didn’t even bother to show up to this one, choosing instead to do anything other than listen to Rick Santorum’s fossilized god warrior shtick for the hundredth time.

Carly Fiorina Is Trying to Pretend She Didn't Humiliate Herself on Twitter

Jordan Sargent · 01/04/16 04:32PM

The Rose Bowl, a college football game traditionally played on New Year’s Day, is a celebration of American regionalism. Historically, it pitted the champion of the Midwest’s Big Ten Conference against the champion of the Pacific Coast Conference (or its successors). The arrangement has been modified and undermined by conference realignment and college championship schemes, but most years, the premise still holds: two teams representing separate places with separate histories and cultures, West Coast versus heartland.