Hamilton Nolan · 09/26/13 08:08AM

As fun as baseball cards were as a kid, reading about a group of grown men hungrily tearing through boxes of sports cards in search of a "hit" is rather bleak.

The Holiday Season Is the Worst Time to Be a Publicist

Hamilton Nolan · 12/06/12 04:02PM

Here is the IFC Network Press Team's official holiday card. Note that it is signed by hand by all four members of the IFC Press Team. Now, imagine how many hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of stupid identical holiday cards the IFC Press Team has to send out, the vast majority of them to random reporters the IFC Press Team does not even know or like. Imagine how many hours the IFC Press Team has to spend, sitting around a small table, signing their names to card after card after card, the vast majority of which will be tossed into the trash with little more than a moment's glance from their recipient. And, further, consider the fact that at least the IFC Press Team gets to write their hundreds and hundreds of useless, unwanted Holiday Cards to a more interesting list of recipients than most of their PR industry peers, who are forced to sign hundreds and hundreds of their own unwanted Holiday Cards and mail them to lists of finance professionals, or sporting goods store owners, or auto dealership managers, or floor wax salesman. Or clients. Consider having to write these god damn cards to hundreds of your asshole clients. And then being forced to attend your clients' holiday parties. Consider that.

You Killed the American Greeting Card Industry

Caity Weaver · 10/08/12 02:50PM

In the past, when a father had something to say to his son—Today you are 6. Happy Birthday, for instance—he would enlist the help of a trained card-writing professional, because it was not deemed prudent for a man to address a child directly until that boy had reached adulthood and developed his own fully formed opinions. (Daughters were addressed on their wedding day; a solemn "Goodbye, young lady.")