Bachmann Campaign Proves That 'Piece of S—' Media Is Biased

Lauri Apple · 11/13/11 02:52PM

Before yesterday's Battle of Spartanburg—aka "another goddamn Republican presidential debate"—Michele Bachmann's campaign intercepted a terrible email from a CBS staffer stating that Bachmann wouldn't be asked as many questions as the other clownidates because she's polling at four percent and will lose. Vulgarity ensued.

Scott Brown Is Apparently Bob Dole's Wife

Max Read · 10/12/11 10:55PM

"I was raised to believe that there are no limits to individual achievement and no excuses to justify indifference," reads a message on Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown's website. Weirdly, former North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole said the exact same thing in her Senate campaign announcement speech in 2002. Which leads us to wonder: Is Scott Brown Bob Dole's Wife?

Woman Faints During Santorum's Presidential Announcement

Maureen O'Connor · 06/06/11 04:12PM

Every time Sen. Rick Santorum mentions his presidential run, something ominous happens. This morning, a balloon spontaneously exploded while Santorum was yammering about his plan for Medicare. Then, while announcing his candidacy this afternoon, an onlooker collapsed a couple feet away from Santorum's podium. Next, Rick Santorum will summon plagues of locust and lice to announce how he will deal with the debt ceiling. [ABC News]

Santorum Disowns Slogan by Gay Black Poet

TPM · 04/16/11 11:12AM

Rick Santorum is backing away from the campaign slogan featured on the website for his exploratory committee, "Fighting to Make America America again," after it was pointed out to him that it was first made famous in a pro-union poem by the gay poet Langston Hughes.

Tim Pawlenty Tries Too Hard to Run for President

Max Read · 04/12/11 07:33PM

Click to viewFormer Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is trying too hard again: The Republican, who hasn't officially announced his presidential candidacy, told CNN's Piers Morgan "I'm running for president" only to have his spokesman Alex Conant quickly downplayed the statement, saying "He will have a formal announcement about running for president later this spring." Tim! Chill out! You're going to ruin this for everyone! [CNN]

Drunken Pawlenty Campaign Worker Tries to Break Into Iowa House

Jim Newell · 04/06/11 02:56PM

Fifteen-year-old Chloe Steward of Ankeny, Iowa was terrified last night to find some drunk idiot trying to break into her house's back door at 3 a.m. Naturally, he was an employee of the Tim Pawlenty Presidential Exploratory Committee. That is NOT how you win over voters, pal! You're supposed to drunkenly break into their houses during the daytime, only. Does Tim Pawlenty even train his staff?

Wyclef Jean: Haiti's Next President?

Hamilton Nolan · 07/26/10 10:39AM

According to an anonymous source and the rumor mill in general, Fugees maestro Wyclef Jean is going to announce his candidacy for President of Haiti. Hmm. Does Haiti care that he's had a few problems lately?