Starbucks Hobofication Continues Apace

Hamilton Nolan · 08/30/11 08:32AM

The problem with kids these days is they don't know history. That, and the fact that they're narcissistic monsters. But let's focus on the history point: did you kids know that once, long ago, Starbucks was considered "fancy" coffee?

Old People All Drinking 'Energy Shots' Now

Hamilton Nolan · 06/02/11 11:31AM

Have the elderly people around you been acting rather crackheaded lately? Don't worry, it's not Alzheimers (yet)! They're all drinking "5 Hour Energy" shots just as fast as they can, the old coots. They'll probably die soon(er).

Scientists Suck at Picking Diseases to Eradicate

Hamilton Nolan · 05/27/11 04:38PM

Fish labeling! Dog drinking! Disease eradicating! Anorexia theorizing! Contaminated fishing! Radiation sexing! Distant-object spotting! Caffeine surviving! And whatever new thing they say about heart disease today! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—indiscriminately!

Are Your Supplements Spiked With Illegal Drugs, or Do They Suck?

Hamilton Nolan · 12/16/10 04:49PM

Staph inequality! DNA play okay! Probiotic neurotics! Supplement spikers! Sickening food! Fearless women! Caffeine kids! Young anorexics! And heart disease news for the old-person demographic! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with a little something extra!

Mixture of Caffeine and Alcohol: The Cause of Everything Bad

Hamilton Nolan · 10/27/10 09:11AM

In America, we trust our kids to responsibly consume rum and coke, or vodka and Red Bull, or six crushed-up Vivarins dissolved in a Solo cup full of Everclear. But caffeine and alcohol in the same can? Absolutely not.

Liars Talk Bad About Coffee

Hamilton Nolan · 06/02/10 02:00PM

A new study found that caffeine addicts don't actually get an energy boost from their morning cup of coffee; instead, it just mitigates their withdrawal symptoms. Bullshit. Okay, fine, whatever...I'm not gonna debate you this early in the morning. [Reuters]

Coffee Kind of Healthy, Or Not

Hamilton Nolan · 12/29/09 12:10PM

Is coffee healthy? For the first time, scientists can definitively say, "Kind of in certain ways but in other ways probably not and for the overall question we guess it depends."

Caffeine: Is There Anything It Can't Do?

cityfile · 03/26/09 09:13AM

Rarely are the experiences of athletes a lesson to those of us who tend to restrict their cardio to carrying a bag of groceries up one flight of stairs. But it turns out that the consumption of caffeine before competing in various sports like running, rowing, and swimming measurably enhances performance—which means that it's worth drinking coffee before going to the gym or getting on the treadmill, or indeed any half-assed attempt to burn calories. Caffeine not only increases the power output of muscles, say researchers, but also "affects the brain's sensation of exhaustion." And if you swallow enough, it provides hallucinations and communication with the other side, which would really liven up a dull workout!

College Students Experimenting With "Caffeine"

Pareene · 11/05/07 10:50AM

Breaking news! People who drink Red Bull and vodka are rapists and friends of drunk drivers! It's been proven by science. Researchers at Wake Forest surveyed 4,300 students on their drinking habits, and of the 2,900 who didn't lie about their sobriety, 700 admitted to using energy drinks as mixers. Which led to even more bad decisions!