What do you do when people find out your frat hosted a racist "border patrol" party, during which guests donned ponchos, sombreros, and construction gear replete with "Pablo Sanchez" name tags? Claim the event was "western-themed," as certain members of the Fiji fraternity at the University of Texas-Austin have done.
If you're a Republican running for Congress in Arizona, you've really got to go that extra mile to prove your cred, or at least a couple hundred feet tailing a school bus filled with migrant children as you lament the invasion of America. Just be sure they're not really summer campers from the local Y.
Seattle residents Brandon Loo and Christopher Sweeney were on their way back from a trip to Vancouver when U.S. Border agents searched their car and, after finding illegal contraband, detained the two for several hours. The contraband? Kinder Eggs, which are chocolate eggs with toys in the center. The candies are banned in the U.S. because they, like every other candy in the world, contain "a non-nutritive object."
US Border Patrol Agents in Arizona celebrated America's then-upcoming birthday in the best way they know how: by being Constitution-abusing dicks. 96-year old Raul Castro, who served not only as Governor of Arizona (the only Latino governor Arizona has ever had, natch) but also a former US ambassador to Bolivia, El Salvador and Argentina, was on his way to a birthday party last month when he was detained by the Border Patrol for an estimated 30-45 minutes at a check point 22 miles away* from the Mexican border for giving off "possible" trace levels of radiation. Even after being told who Castro was and that the radiation was most likely from a medical procedure Castro received the day before, the Border Patrol insisted that the former Governor, who was wearing a suit, leave his air-conditioned car and stand inside a roadside tent, in temperatures nearing 100 degrees, while they tried to determine exactly what kind of dirty bomb the nonagenarian was smuggling. After deciding that the well-decorated public servant wasn't some illegal immigrant planning on blowing up Flagstaff, the Border Control let Castro and his friend/driver go.
Felon rapper Lil Wayne was forced to cancel European tour dates because the UK wouldn't give him a visa. The decision was supposedly made because of his criminal record for weapons and drugs. We think it's really because his passport didn't have the appropriate punctuation for the contraction in his name. Brits are such sticklers!
Kind of the most astounding lede we've read this week: "So I was having lunch at the Four Seasons with Lou Dobbs the other day, locked in disagreement over who cared more about working people, him or me." (The answer? Lou Dobbs is not swayed by reasoned arguments or civil discussion, demonstrates no interest in workable solutions to problems he identifies for the purposes of <a href="https://www.gawker.com/342376/lou-dobbs-scumbag".employing trumped-up rage to appeal to the angry white people who've made him an unlikely TV star.) [NYT]
Orange-headed TV scumbag Lou Dobbs will not run for President. Because the Harvard-educated man of the people doesn't really want to spend too much time with those people. "I'm too impatient with the blathering fools who make up the crowd that attends the political process," he tells TVNewser. Also personally offensive to the only guy looking out for the working man: "standing there at chicken dinners, talking about all the things that really don't matter." Let Lou Dobbs eat his chicken dinner in peace, people! The man is hungry. Hungry for change! (And chicken.) [TVNewser]