Bar Owner Charged With Manslaughter for Letting Customer Take 56 Shots

Jay Hathaway · 05/06/15 04:00PM

The owner of a French bar is facing charges of “manslaughter by willful neglect” after a patron took 56 shots of liquor in one night to break the establishment’s posted record. The 57-year-old drinking champ later died at home of a heart attack, and his daughter says the bar owner had been cheering him on.

Tragically Wasted Soccer Mascot Falls, Can't Get Up

Jay Hathaway · 05/06/15 09:45AM

What is the saddest thing? Possibly: a heroic lion mascot in a cape who has become too drunk to stand and collapses on the soccer pitch, his giant fuzzy head lolling and falling off in his hands. Underneath, he is only human, like the rest of us. He is also drunk, like the rest of us.

Rich Bastards Love Tobacco Stocks

Hamilton Nolan · 05/06/15 09:35AM

People who buy stocks in alcohol, tobacco, gambling, or (new!) marijuana companies are said to be investing in “vice”—traditionally a good way to earn premium returns in exchange for being a morally bad human. Who are these successful bastard investors?

Dad's Plan to Replace Daughter's Vodka With Water Completely Backfires

Jay Hathaway · 01/29/15 10:23AM

Fed up with his teenage daughter repeatedly stealing his favorite cookies, no matter where in the house he tried to hide them, a British dad concocted a plan for revenge. While searching her room for signs of his missing snacks, he found she had a special stash of her own—a bottle of foul, store-brand vodka. Only one thing to do, the vengeful dad wrote on Reddit:

Who Drives the Alcohol Industry? Alcoholics

Hamilton Nolan · 09/26/14 08:35AM

Based upon beer and liquor company advertising, you might imagine that the US booze industry primarily sells its products to suave, attractive 20-somethings on the beach. In fact, it primarily sells its products to alcoholics.

Bearded Welsh Hero Drinks Entire Bottle of Jack in 15 Seconds

Jay Hathaway · 09/04/14 03:40PM

Meet the new King of Wales, Will Williams. He recently consumed an entire bottle of Jack Daniel's in just shy of 15 seconds, which, I'm given to understand, entitles him to some kind of sword-in-the-stone style claim on the monarchy that supersedes the current hereditary system. And makes Wales independent, for some reason. Congratulations/sorry, Wales!

Drunken Bathroom Brawl Forces Flight to Divert With Military Escort

Andy Cush · 08/29/14 10:01AM

Two passengers who had allegedly consumed a "significant quantity" of alcohol caused a Sunwing flight from Toronto to Cuba to return to the airport under a military escort after they smoked in the bathroom, tripped a fire alarm, got into a fight, and made a "threat against the aircraft."

Scottish Mayor Resigns After Being Banned From Each of Town's 36 Pubs

Andy Cush · 07/15/14 02:00PM

That stately looking fellow above is Wayne Ronayne, former mayor of Gosport, Scotland. Yesterday, he stepped down from the position after he and his wife were banned from every single one of the town's 36 pubs. Ronayne held the mayoralty for just 40 days before his resignation.

Corona Completely Gives Up on Being Cool

Hamilton Nolan · 03/10/14 08:34AM

Kids these days and their sophisticated, sellout millennial tastes—who knows what the hell they like? Not good old-fashioned beer brands such as Corona Light™, that is for sure. Corona Light™ has had it with trying to impress these kids!

Foreign Idiots Can't Get Enough of Our Wine

Hamilton Nolan · 02/26/14 10:58AM

No disrespect to people in foreign countries, but they are approximately the world's biggest suckers, when it comes to believing things about America. No, all Americans are not cowboys; we don't all own guns, and work at Disney Land; and we certainly don't make any good wine.

Except For Dinner Last Night, I Haven't Had a Drink This Year

Ken Layne · 01/02/14 06:00PM

Alcohol plays a large role in everyone's life. We use it to clean our many wounds, and we add certain percentages of the stuff to our gasoline, within certain states where that's required by regulations. Some of us even drink alcohol, for pleasure or otherwise. But you can count me out of that last group. For all of this year, so far, I have been "on the wagon."