Bono Wants to Send Some Powerful Jews to ISIS

Ashley Feinberg · 04/12/16 06:32PM

During today’s hearing, the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee brought in sentient sunglasses display Bono to discuss what role foreign aid should play in stopping violent extremism. Instead, Bono recommended sending two powerful Jews and Chris Rock directly into ISIS’s clutches.

Some Dummies Bought a U2 Album This Weekend and Got a Tool EP Instead

Andy Cush · 04/20/15 05:10PM

Why would you spend your money on a vinyl copy of U2’s Songs of Innocence? Regardless of your feelings on what I’m sure is a perfectly fine late-career U2 album, didn’t basically everyone get that record for free last year? The lunkheaded spendthrifts who stood in line to shell out for a “deluxe exclusive” version of Songs on Record Store Day and found another band’s music inside only got what was coming to them.

Bono May Never Play Guitar Again, Says Bono

Jay Hathaway · 01/02/15 09:43AM

U2 frontman Bono, who suffered some gruesome injuries last November in a high-speed cycling accident while disguised as a hasidic Jew, kicked off 2015 with some news that will be extremely sad to you if you are Bono: Bono's broken hand and arm may not be able to play Bono's guitar ever again.

Is Someone Trying to Kill Bono?

Gabrielle Bluestone · 11/16/14 11:06PM

Just days after Bono narrowly escaped death in a malfunctioning private jet comes the news that Bono has been involved in a somewhat serious bicycle accident. Which begs the question, is this all a coincidence, or could Bono be in real danger?

Bono Wears Those Dumb Glasses All The Time Because He Has Glaucoma

Andy Cush · 10/17/14 03:00PM

Bono, a cosmic warrior sent from the future to save us from rock songs that don't have the word "yeah" in them, has a habit of wearing really doofy-looking glasses. It turns out he wears them because of a disease. Who's the asshole now?

Robert Kessler · 11/14/12 05:34PM

Bono whipped out a Bill Clinton impersonation at a speech in DC. He "Still Hasn't Found [The Accent] He's Looking For."

Breitbart Idiot Publishes Gotcha Interview of Bono Impersonator (Updated with Video)

Max Read · 03/21/12 01:38PM guy and Human Events editor-at-large Jason Mattera is " D.C.'s Bad Boy Reporter," and what says "bad boy" more than ambushing U2 frontman Bono for a "gotcha" interview about U2's taxes? Ha ha, except that Mattera actually ambushed a Bono impersonator, which may be why he couldn't really answer questions about U2's taxes:

Bono Cannot Stop Writing About Himself

Hamilton Nolan · 12/01/11 01:30PM

Bono. This guy. The guy from U2. But you probably know him for being the world's all-around best human. He's not just some rock star that groupies want to bang; he's some rock star who's always writing op-eds about Serious World Issues, which makes an entirely new set of groupies want to bang him.

Bono's Company Made $800 Million On Facebook

Ryan Tate · 08/17/11 12:29PM

Elevation Partners, which counts U2 frontman Bono and guitarist The Edge as investors, has seen its November 2009 investment in Facebook more than quadruple. And the gains are poised to grow even more.

Glenn Beck's Final Broadcast: He Left Because of Spider-Man and Bono

Seth Abramovitch · 06/30/11 08:32PM

It was supposed to have been a bittersweet and quietly contemplative week for Glenn Beck, whose final Fox News Channel show aired today. Of course, all that was derailed by that senseless incident at Bryant Park, when his entire family was swept away by a wave of Cabernet Sauvignon released from a crop duster by an insane liberal. (Or else a plastic cup of wine tipped over. Reports were conflicting.)

The Meanest Julia Roberts Story Ever Written

Maureen O'Connor · 06/22/11 10:35AM

You are a terrible person for reading this nasty story about America's sweetheart. Ashlee Simpson has a new boyfriend. Ryan Dunn drank picklebacks before he died. Steve-O recalls doing blow with LiLo while she was in rehab. Wednesday gossip is a big mistake. Big. Huge.