Max Read · 06/19/14 11:06AM

Remember 2007? You don't have to, because it's still happening. Celebrate Terry Richardson's New York cover story and Dov Charney's expulsion from American Apparel with all your favorite episodes of Blue States Lose. A time capsule into the worst year in human history!

Hipsters Have Doomed Us All

Michael Weiss · 07/31/08 09:42AM

Sofia Coppola slouches in a red damask banquette so battered and torn it's practically held together by duct tape. She twists the end of her "Go Metric" t-shirt around her forefinger, staring blankly into the middle distance. Finally, as the flash of yet another polaroid camera goes off and Yo La Tengo's "Deeper Into Movies" comes on the iPod at the long abandoned DJ station, she looks pleadingly into my face and she says, "I never wanted this to happen." Hey, so did you read the one in Adbusters about how hipsters spell the end of Western civilization? Scummy pints of cloudy beer, V-necks, kaffiyehs, and fixed-gear bicycles (no cheese doodle baskets at Bushwick Country Club?), all lamented in earnest New Journalese and questionable pronoun-antecedent agreement. And in what was once an eminently read hipster lifestyle handbook. TNR apologized for the war; this was inevitable, too.

Little Scotty Mouthbreather in Disturbing Paris BFF Bid

ian spiegelman · 04/12/08 09:29AM

Icky Blue States Lose thing Little Scotty Mouthbreather is using his pull at icky American Apparel in an icky attempt to be cast in the upcoming reality TV nightmare Paris Hilton's My New BFF. A mass email sent by the leg-warmer marketeers yesterday reads, "American Apparel's heiress, Jonny Makeup is searching for a new BFF. And as luck would have it, so is a certain Miss Paris Hilton. Let's bring these kids together so they can search for boys, toys and trouble on the streets of LA." Oh, and, in case you want to go ahead and skip brunch, here's his retarded video.

Shock: Celeb's Galpal Secret Scenester

Pareene · 03/28/08 09:41AM

You may think that George Clooney's girlfriend Sarah Larson is an innocent sweetheart, on account of how she is a former cocktail waitress now dating a rich celebrity with a few years on her, but you'd be wrong. Star tracked down secret photos that expose the real Sarah Larson as a girl who got drunk and wore bikinis. Amusingly, the photos are from Merlin Bronques' hiptard party/porn site, Last Night's Party. The real shame here is that George Clooney is dating a Blue States Lose target. [Star]

Little Scotty Mouthbreather Goes Mainstream

Alex Blagg · 01/08/08 03:54PM

According to an unsolicited, totally undesired MySpace message I received yesterday from Little Scotty Mouthbreather himself (full chill-inducing text after the jump), our existentially-handicapped hiptard rapper friend will be appearing along with his "group" the V.I.P. Party Boys on tomorrow's "celeb rehab" episode of the Tyra Banks Show. Tyra, in her infinite wisdom, invited Scotty and the Party Boys onto the show to discuss the manner in which "sex and drugs get tangled with fame". And by fame, he means being the object of ridicule.

A Solid Investment

Alex Blagg · 01/07/08 11:57AM

Not every man can pull of a sequined American Flag vest left unbuttoned to betray just a glimpse of the delicious DJ open bar booze belly it barely contains, but Steve Aoki does so smashingly, even though he sort of looks like a Japanese tourist who likes to dress up as Keith Richards.

The Incredibly Gay Hulk

Alex Blagg · 01/03/08 03:21PM

Whenever a remix of that "Y'all ready for this?" song from Jock Jams comes on, this guy turns into a big flaming purple and green Hulk who derives his strength from Swimclass Floaties and absolutely SMASHES the dance floor.

Christmas In Hipsterville

Alex Blagg · 12/28/07 01:00PM

Blue States Lose is a much-needed weekly investigation into the trends and mores of the young. Going where the cool-hunters are too afeared to tread, via the party pictures on Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, and Nicky Digital, our pal Alex Blagg teaches us about what the young have become while we were busy doing nothing.

Plaid As Hell And Not Gonna Take It Anymore

Alex Blagg · 12/21/07 02:16PM

A federal judge on Thursday refused, at least for now, to order a hearing at which the government would have to explain in detail the destruction of C.I.A. videotapes showing the harsh interrogation of two suspected Al Qaeda operatives. So while you're waiting for that to get resolved enjoy these pictures of idiots partying from Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party and Nicky Digital as they are mocked by Alex Blagg.

Hijinx Ensue

Alex Blagg · 12/07/07 02:45PM

Blue States Lose because while their residents are running around in eyeliner and panties on the outside of their pants and SPARKLY HATS, the red state people are building houses and making industry and going to block meetings and wars! WE SUCK. Here's some pictures from the suckitude, collected from Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party and Nicky Digital by Alex Blagg!

The Man Who Invented Ridiculous Hipsterdom

Alex Blagg · 11/16/07 03:20PM

You would never actually go to the kind of party that websites like Ambrel, Cobrasnake, Nicky Digital, and Last Night's Party exist to take pictures of, but you sure would sit at your desk and make fun of those pictures! That's pretty cool! Alex Blagg enables you to pass judgment every week around this time.

Hipster Or Halloween Costume?

Alex Blagg · 11/02/07 12:40PM

It's the spookiest time of year: The time when you can't tell a horrifically dressed club kid from a terribly dressed but otherwise normal Halloween reveler. But we can! Your friend and ours Alex Blagg trolls the photo-trolls of Ambrel, Cobrasnake, Nicky Digital, and Last Night's Party to deliver the good news: Society is just a costume! (Deep, man!)

Sheila · 11/01/07 08:20AM

Which hipster-nightlife photographer totally named Merlin Bronques threw a major hissy fit in front of the elevators at the incredibly boring Shindig party last night? "What the fuck is your problem," he shrieked, violently jabbing the 'down' button. "I told you to hold the fucking door for me!" Dude. It's just Halloween. ("Last Night's Party is so not even cool anymore," muttered a girl in the elevator. Harsh!)

Hipster Millennium Multimedia Roadshow

Alex Blagg · 10/26/07 01:05PM

Is there anything your Friday afternoon needs more than Alex Blagg's weekly roundup of party pictures of terrifying hipsters from Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party and Nicky Digital? How could there be?

The Great Neon Jazzercise Gangbang

Alex Blagg · 10/19/07 12:40PM

If you are old, you might not know that the youngs like to dress up in the most fantastic fashions, put their hair up, and cavort for photographers at super-cool underground parties! Then, they are documented by websites such as Last Night's Party and Cobrasnake. Furthermore! Our pal Alex Blagg searches these websites for the winners and (mostly) losers of the week! We gave this process an evocative name: Ladies and gentleman, that name is Blue States Lose.

Nerds, Terrorists Vie For YouTube Supremacy

Pareene · 10/15/07 02:50PM

Like the creators of The Onion before them, the sideburned jokesters responsible for those "Chad Vader" YouTube videos are trying as hard as they can to escape from Madison, Wisconsin. They're represented by William Morris! They're flying out to New York to participate in something called "Battle of the Internet Superstars" (uggghh)! And as long as they keep pumping out lame Star Wars parodies, people will continue trying to figure out how to make money off of them. Is it wrong, though, that we'd kinda rather subscribe to the YouTube channel of militant North Carolinian jihadist Samir Khan?

Nightlife Of The Living Dumb

Alex Blagg · 10/12/07 02:25PM

"In another version of its utility," wrote Susan Sontag in On Photography, "the camera record justifies. A photograph passes for incontrovertible proof that a given thing happened. The picture may distort; but there is always a presumption that something exists, or did exist, which is like what's in the picture." UNTIL NOW, lady! Here's your weekly roundup of amazing impossible photography from amazing impossible places, courtesy of your host Alex Blagg and the wonderful, horrible, horriful party photographers of Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and Ambrel!

Smile Like You Mean It

Alex Blagg · 10/05/07 03:00PM

You know how every week Alex Blagg takes a look at the ridiculous hipster party photos from Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party and mocks the people in them? Did you notice that every week, even though it's essentially the same post each time, someone has to come up with a new and different introductory paragraph? You didn't, did you? You just skipped down past the jump and started making fun of the hipsters. Well, you know what? Screw you, you ungrateful bastards. Someone on this end NEVER HAS TO DO IT AGAIN, because it's his last day, and he could not be happier about it. What? Oh, yeah, hey, it's Blue States Lose!