Florida Man Set on Fire by His Dog

Adam Weinstein · 02/12/14 03:33PM

We natives of Broward County, Florida, are really good at two things: shopping, and screwing up voting. Oh, and also setting our dogs on fire, then letting the flaming dogs set our spouses on fire, then dumping our flaming dogs in swimming pools and getting on the news.

Man's Death Ruled a Case of Spontaneous Combustion

Lauri Apple · 09/23/11 06:49AM

Is human spontaneous combustion a real thing? Damned if I know. But some coroner in Ireland has just ruled that a 76-year-old man who burned to death in his home died after catching on fire without external provocation, so according to that coroner, the answer is YES.

Woman Leaves Dentist's Office with Foreign Accent

Jeff Neumann · 06/01/11 05:27AM

Imagine going in for a rather routine dental surgery, and leaving with a foreign accent. That's what happened to Karen Butler after she was put under and had several teeth removed. "I just went to sleep and I woke up and my mouth was all sore and swollen, and I talked funny. And the dentist said, you'll talk normal when the swelling goes down," she told NPR. But she never went back to normal, and now has an accent that's "a combination of British, Irish and Eastern European."

Palin Victorious at Gettysburg, Pushes Deeper into Union Territory

Jim Newell · 05/31/11 01:10PM

History suggests that Sarah Palin's Bus Army would be stopped and forced into retreat by lamestream media forces at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, making it her furthest incursion into the Yankee North and the turning point for the larger war effort. But alas, the cowardly reporters have allowed Palin to slip through their lines and continue her march towards the munitions port at Philadelphia.

Sad, Sword-Waving Pirate Shot by Cops

Lauri Apple · 05/07/11 04:55PM

Jonathan Martis of Omaha was shot by police on Thursday after calling them to his house. His mother says he had been feeling depressed and telling people he wanted to die. But this fact doesn't fully explain why he was dressed up as a pirate.

Newt Gingrich's Grandchildren Will Be Ruled By Atheist Muslims

Jim Newell · 03/29/11 11:55AM

Newt Gingrich, one of the serious Republican candidates for president, is back on the subject of Muslims this week. He's not just concerned that Muslims proper will co-opt his grandchildren when they come of age. He's worried about a new ultra-breed of Muslims, Atheist Muslims, performing the dirty work. Have you heard of these people? They probably live in cities.

This Man Made a Panty Quilt

Adrian Chen · 03/27/11 06:00PM

Vietnam vet Louis Garrett of Louisiana, Mo. ("friends know him as Shovelhead because of his love for Harley-Davidson motorcycles with shovelhead engines") has a lot of time on his hands. And in the grand scheme of things, fashioning a quilt out of women's panties is not the worst thing he could be doing with that time. Still, it's pretty strange! Apparently the idea for the panty quilt came from a magazine, which makes us think we've been reading the wrong magazines. Garrett also claims the panty quilt was a natural progression from his mannequin collection, since he had been dressing them up in lingerie. Obviously.

Fetuses 'Testify' During Ohio Abortion Debate

Jim Newell · 03/02/11 02:58PM

Elections really do have consequences, just like people keep saying! Take the suddenly super-Republican empire that is Ohio. What would a hypothetical Democratic leadership be doing in that statehouse right now? Probably hiding under their desks, looking for welfare money. Which is much better than what the current real life Republican leadership is doing today: Giving two ladies ultrasounds during a hearing over an anti-abortion bill.

The Bizarrely Organized Sex Crimes of a Top Military Officer

Max Read · 10/18/10 10:59PM

Colonel David Russell Williams was commander of Canada's largest Air Force base. He was also a bizarrely organized panty thief who "meticulously photographed" his crimes. His illegal proclivities escalated to rape and murder. Today, he pled guilty to 88 charges.

Utah Man to be Executed by Firing Squad

Ravi Somaiya · 04/23/10 02:00PM

Ronnie Lee Gardner, a convicted murderer, will be executed by firing squad at Utah State Prison, in Draper on June 18th. Barring a final appeal to the State Supreme Court, he will be shot in the heart by four executioners.

A Matt Taibbi Freakout

Hamilton Nolan · 02/24/10 04:54PM

"'Fuck you,' [Matt Taibbi] snarled, and then picked up his mug from the table, threw his coffee at me, and stormed out." It would be awesome if the final scene of this new Vanity Fair piece on the history of The Exile was a complex, multi-player joke by Matt Taibbi and Graydon Carter on everyone else in the media. Otherwise it's just bizarre. I mean it would be bizarre if Matt Taibbi were besties with Graydon Carter, but not as bizarre as Matt Taibbi snapping violently because a reporter failed to praise his work. Although maybe he still has the ol' horse semen running through his veins like journalistic fire!
Anyhow the whole story is great, read it all.