Stop, Jennifer Aniston, We Can't Keep Up!

Andrew Belonsky · 10/16/09 04:30AM

Jennifer Aniston's in love with someone, again. Paul McCartney's son's dreams are coming true and dying all at once. Jon and Kate are still deplorable. And Courtney Hazlett calls out Melissa Rycroft. Hoorah! It's your Friday morning gossip roundup!

Mays Lives On — In Sticker Form

Andrew Belonsky · 08/27/09 02:40AM

Few celebrities touched our lives as deeply as pitchman and cocaine user Billy Mays. And, in an effort to ensure his dreams lives on, deranged mourners are affixing his likeness to anything and everything that will accommodate a sticker. [TMZ]

Potter Debuts, Fortune Revamps, Twitter Gets Hacked

cityfile · 07/15/09 01:07PM

• The Harry Potter frenzy kicked off last night when the latest installment debuted at midnight last night and raked in $22.2 million in the process. [THR]
Jared Kushner's struggling Observer is still hunting for a new editor. [DF]
• Time Inc. has "assembled a high-level SWAT team" to revamp Fortune. [NYP]
• The most successful magazine at the moment? Fitness. Obviously! [Folio]
• Ukraine's Culture Ministry has banned Brüno because "it's immoral." [THR]
• A hacker accessed the computers of several Twitter employees, made off with a big bunch of documents, and is now leaking the info online. Technology! [TC]
• Is NBC's wacky, new terrorist-hunting reality show going to put war correspondents in danger's way? Guess we'll find out shortly, right? [NYO]

Dead Man Sells Adhesives

Hamilton Nolan · 07/10/09 09:06AM

Billy Mays is dead, but his ghost will return to haunt your television until you order roll after roll of Mighty Tape, to quiet the bearded demon. It's what he would have wanted.

A View From The Sludge

Foster Kamer · 07/05/09 04:57PM

Well, looks like someone at TMZ knows what an Arthur Miller is. Not sure what's worse: the headline, or that I'd probably consider it. Full Billy Mays sadness after the jump so you don't have to look at TMZ.

Today in Autopsies

John Cook · 06/29/09 12:22PM

Happy Autopsy Day! Michael Jackson's revealed him to be a hairless disfigured ghoul, but was also fake. Billy Mays' found that he died of heart failure, not head trauma after a rough airplane landing.

The Jackson Saga Rolls On

cityfile · 06/29/09 05:55AM

• A second autopsy was performed on Michael Jackson over the weekend just as details from the first were revealed: Jackson was just 112 pounds when he died and his "emaciated body was riddled with needle marks and scars, and his head was virtually bald." In the meantime, his doctor, Conrad Murray, has denied giving Jackson any drugs right before his death and says he found a faint pulse when he first discovered him. Jackson's parents say they plan to fight for custody of Jackson's kids and for control of his estate. And plenty of people came out to celebrate Jackson's life at a couple of BET parties this weekend. And now you're all caught up. [NYP, LAT, WP, NYDN]
• Poor Jen Aniston. One minute she's happy and relaxed and supposedly dating Bradley Cooper and now Cooper says they're just "friends." [P6, NYDN]

Billy Mays Hates Kids

Hamilton Nolan · 06/17/09 03:14PM

The upcoming issue of Playboy has a profile of Billy Mays, in which the bearded, Bentley-driving cleaning product salesman reveals his ruthless desire to crush the dreams of children:

The King Of Television

Hamilton Nolan · 08/19/08 09:54AM

Who's on TV more than anybody else? Oprah? Jay Leno? Ha, you fools. The Washington Post estimates that Billy Mays, the bearded, dangerously hyper Oxi Clean pitchman, "could already be the single most ubiquitous figure on television today, measured purely in face time." Despite that, he's getting a reality show this fall, about making ads. Disturbing? Yes. Is there any stopping him? There is not. [WP]