Kind Banker Snorts Coke, Drops Some on Subway Floor, Offers It to Others

Gabrielle Bluestone · 06/24/15 09:40AM

Friends say they’re “worried” about a 23-year-old British banker who started openly snorting cocaine on the Tube this month. Worrying behavior to be sure, but at least he was kind enough to offer his fellow commuters what he dropped on the floor, which is honestly more than I can say for most drug-addled New Yorkers.

Cabby Grabby, Banker Stabby

Hamilton Nolan · 03/02/12 09:50AM

What is undisputed is this: W. Bryan Jennings, an investment banker with Morgan Stanley, got a cab to drive him from his office in Manhattan back to his home in Darien, Connecticut. In Darien, Jennings proceeded to pull out a pen knife and stab the driver in the hands. Why?

Activities Better for Your Health than Investment Banking

Hamilton Nolan · 02/15/12 04:05PM

Oh-oh, a new study of entry-level investment bankers finds the young masters of the universe afflicted with "insomnia, alcoholism, heart palpitations, eating disorders and an explosive temper." And that's the young ones. Why destroy yourself like that? There are lots of safer activities than investment banking.

How to Date a Wall Street Sociopath

Max Read · 02/09/12 03:00PM

Professional matchmaker Samantha Daniels has some tips "for the women out there who are dating or would like to be dating a man on Wall Street." And sure, you read what she has to say (tip number five: "Be Sexy")... or you could take the advice of a Wall Street Men themselves.

The Outrageous Break-Up Quiz and Other Grim Tales of Dating Finance Pros

Max Read · 12/08/11 11:16AM

After writing about the crazy J.P. Morgan analyst who stalked his ex across the Atlantic pretending to be an Israei spy, and reproducing the insane 1,600-word letter from an investment analyst demanding that a woman he went on a single date with apologize for leading him on, we figured we'd open it up to our readers for more stories from the front lines of romance in the financial industry. And boy, did you all deliver.

Insane J.P. Morgan Stalker Is Why You Shouldn't Date Investment Bankers

Max Read · 12/06/11 10:40AM

Sure, dating an investment banker seems nice. He's rich! He dresses well! So what if he's married? He takes you out on his boat! And then he follows you to London, breaks into your apartment, steals candlesticks, pretends to be an Israeli secret agent, and puts a tracking device in your bag.

The Real Victims of the Penn State Scandal: Investment Bankers

Max Read · 11/16/11 09:35PM

If you are unfamiliar with the specifics of the Penn State scandal, you may be under the impression that the real victims are the children who were allegedly raped and otherwise abused by assistant coach Jerry Sandusky. But you couldn't be more wrong! The real victims are Penn State alumni. More specifically: Penn State alumni brokers.

Crybaby Bankers Boycott Mario Batali After He Calls Them Hitlers

Max Read · 11/09/11 08:28PM

Celebrity chef Mario Batali indelicately compared "the entire banking industry" to "Stalin or Hitler and the evil guys" at a Time panel on Tuesday. A poor choice of metaphor, for sure—especially when you consider that bankers make up a significant portion of the customer base at Batali's high-end New York restaurants. Even more so when you consider what crybabies bankers are.

Breaking: Bankers Are Still Jerk-Offs

Max Read · 10/16/11 03:07PM

Did you think that, maybe, a growing month-long protest directed against the financial services industry would make investment bankers and money managers start to question themselves? Ha! You have never met a banker, have you?

Goldman Sachs Hunts Down Its Elevator Tweeter

Maureen O'Connor · 08/26/11 01:54PM

The golden age of anonymous corporate elevator Twitter accounts is ending. It lasted about a week. After @CondeElevator closed down operations because "This got really crazy. Love my job," a series of knock-off elevator Twitter accounts launched. The only worthwhile one was @GSElevator, tweeting overheard conversations from Goldman Sachs branches the world around. According to Page Six, the company's notorious rigid management has "kicked off an internal probe" on the matter. After reportedly trying—and failing—to get Twitter to freeze the account, Goldman is now "investigating who is behind it. They believe it is an intern or a young gun, but there are enough facts on the feed for bosses to suspect it is someone with access inside the company."

How to Dress Like a Swiss Banker

Hamilton Nolan · 12/15/10 09:45AM

Because Swiss bankers are such notorious slobs, always showing up at work in old Metallica t-shirts and unwashed tighty-whiteys, UBS has issued its staff a 43-page (or possibly 52-page) dress code, covering them from fingernails to unmentionables.