Like stock car races or primary debates, balloon parades are an alleged form of entertainment that's mostly just boring until something goes wrong. Fortunately, with balloon accidents the resulting injuries are primarily psychic in nature—measured in months of therapy for poor Jacob after seeing Pikachu disemboweled by a lamppost—making them much more fun to watch.
While their housemate was out of town, two guys inflated 2,269 balloons and entirely filled his bedroom with them. It took them three and a half weeks, but it was completely worth it for his reaction.
Twenty-seven-year-old Dave, who lives near Little Rock, Arkansas, is a dedicated "looner." That doesn't mean he's crazy (although he might be that, too — judge for yourself) — "looner" describes a person who has romantic relationships with balloons. Dave blows them up, but he will have you know that he isn't blowing them, per se: "I am pure in my life," he explains regarding the suggestion that he may be doing "something else" with his beloved blimps. His lack of sexual passion is a little bit disappointing as I kind of wanted to get to the bottom of all those Xtube balloon videos I'm too scared/otherwise occupied to click on, but Dave makes up for all of this in this segment from last night's Taboo by saying off-the-wall stuff like, "When you think about it in a real, true love sense, it really isn't a toy." He also describes his "balloon rescues," and mourns a popped one. He's really extreme, as only a man who is having polyamorous relationships with rubber bladders can be.
A magician named John Cassidy—world record holder for "most balloon sculptures made in one hour"—visited Michelle Obama at the White House last month. She promptly imprisoned him in a latex bubble, while a White House photographer documented her chilling disregard for the civil liberties of balloon magicians.
Of all the slow motion videos we've seen lately, this one—a six foot water balloon at up to 2500fps—is up there with my favorites. Not because it's particularly well shot or creative. Or for any reason, really, other than that I'm just a hose and a slab of rubber away from making this happen in my own backyard. [Reddit via The High Definite]
One highlight of last Saturday's Christmas parade in Richmond, VA—besides random people on Segways—was supposed to be a giant Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer balloon. Unfortunately, a stop light got in Rudolph's way, and... watch the tragedy unfold, inside.
So this is kind of sad. Some people released a large set of balloons in honor of orphaned children at a fundraising event and... it did not go well.
And now they fight balloons. Can we really call this progress?