Tonight, an entire era of pointless, vapid reality television ended when The Hills signed off for forever. After four years of drinking, fighting, crying, breaking up and making frienemies, the girls examined their futures and it all ended for reals.
This sexualization of mass-produced, tongue-pleasing food will continue forever, because selling the myth of easy sex to men and the myth of being able to eat fast food while maintaining a model-esque body to women in one fell swoop is just too damn effective—especially when paired with cheap food products designed to activate our mouth's pleasure centers—because people are basically dumb animals. That burger looks gross though.
You've got to wake up puh-retty early in the morning to pull a fast one past the celebrity blogging community, Ashton Kutcher. At least that's what approximately 1200 gossip bloggers were saying today when faced with photos of The Hills supporting ho Audrina Patridge getting some tasty new ink at a Hollywood tattoo parlor. According to OK! magazine, the mystic Chinese phraseology she had etched into her forearm and then paraded, still-oozing, around high-density local paparazzi zones, translates loosely as, "The rice is fried in pork fat." (We throw it open to our Chinese-tattoo-translating readership for a more accurate interpretation.)
Fans of The Hills, MTV's probing voyage past young Hollywood's vacant eyes and into the unknown landscape lying just beyond (turns out, the unknown looks a lot like the Beverly Center!), will instantly recognize Audrina Partridge in the explicit
photos above links below. One of the show's pack of nocturnal, scene-crawling famepires, Partridge found a replenishing source of the C-list celebrity she so desperately needs to feed on being cast as the fiercely loyal sidekick to head Hills succubus L.C. Conrad.