Man Stages Attack in Most Pathetic Story of the Year

Max Read · 10/31/11 09:53PM

A masked man in dark clothes 'attacks' a 26-year-old foreign exchange student while she has a cigarette outside in Pleasant Prairie, Wisc., only to give up and flee when she fights back. Just another bizarre crime in America's heartland? Or the start... of the most pathetic story of the year?

Man Won't Say Who Stabbed Him in the Scrotum With a Hypodermic Needle

Lauri Apple · 10/12/11 07:46AM

If you live in Wichita, Kansas, possess a scrotum, and enjoy confrontation, it's probably wise to wear your metal boxer-briefs for the next few weeks. Recently a Wichita man got into an argument with someone who stabbed him in the scrotum (which is not how you make friends!) and had to undergo surgery after part of the needle broke off and got stuck down there.

New PETA Ad: Shark Attacks on Humans Are Funny

Lauri Apple · 09/29/11 04:00AM

Not more than a week has passed since a Florida man sustained injuries in a shark attack, and already the lettuce porn fetishists at PETA have come up with a new ad campaign commemorating his memorable seaside experience. Now he can add "muse" to his resume.

Boy Knocked Unconscious By Whale Tail

Seth Abramovitch · 06/28/11 01:19AM

A 13-year-old Australian boy instantly became the coolest kid at school after he survived an accidental whale attack over the weekend. Drew Hall was fishing with his parents on Sunday morning when a humpback whale swept its tail across their boat "from bow to stern," smacking Drew head-on and "sending him flying," according to his mother, who watched in terror.

Chimp Attack Woman Finally Leaves Hospital

Ravi Somaiya · 05/07/10 08:37AM

To get an idea of how brutal chimp attacks are: the Connecticut woman who was attacked by an ape in February of 2009 has just been released from hospital. She "hopes for more reconstructive surgery."

'Anonymous' Kid Faces Ten Years for Scientology Hack

ian spiegelman · 10/18/08 12:04PM

Who was the dark mastermind behind last January's Denial of Service attack that shut down for a little while? A teenager, obvs. 18-year-old Dmitriy Guzner, a self-proclaimed member of the 4Chan-related anti-Scientology group Anonymous has been busted by the Feds for his part in the shenanigans. The Verona, NJ, teen has plead guilty and could get slammed with ten years in prison. Ouch. Press release after the jump.

Hateful Scum Threaten Pride Weekend

ian spiegelman · 06/29/08 01:05PM

After the Pride Parade and all the happy partying that will follow, ride the trains in groups this evening because a man was attacked by gay-bashing thugs last night on the 2/3 train near the Christopher Street stop after volunteering at a Pride event. He says the police haven't caught his attackers. "The guy kept asking us to move because he didn't like us and [said] that we made him sick. There was no place else for us to go. He started hitting me and then his girlfriend started clawing me with her nails...I took a cab to St. Vincents, filed a police report and got two black eyes, 7 stitches, multiple chipped teeth, broken glasses." [Gothamist]