Obama Takes Green Initiative, Snatches Inhalers Out of Asthmatics' Hands

Seth Abramovitch · 09/22/11 11:27PM

The Obama administration may have kneed environmentalists in the nuts with its decision to delay a policy rehaul on air quality standards until 2013. But that doesn't mean that measures aren't being taken to protect what's left of the atmosphere. That's right, folks: The U.S. government is rolling up its sleeves and taking on the real enemy. No, not oil and coal processing plants, but rather the children who had the bad luck to grow up living near them, and face of lifetime of wheezing for doing so. Target: asthma inhalers!

Internet Addiction Just as Bad as Real Addiction, But Not Cool

Hamilton Nolan · 07/25/11 04:24PM

Fertile China! Psychic dogs! Killer papaya! ADHD safety! Internet addiction! Breastfeeding asthma! Shrinking brains! Love psychology! And uncalled-for lizard posing! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—out of sheer desperation!

The Justin Bieber Inhaler Makes Coal-Induced Asthma Fun!

Seth Abramovitch · 05/12/11 12:50AM

At Coal Cares — a new initiative from Peabody Energy, the world's largest coal company — you can order cool inhalers for your asthmatic kids, so long as you live within 200 miles of a coal plant. I'm partial to The Bieber, but there's an inhaler here for every taste — even one studded in fake Swarovski crystals! If it all sounds too good (or too awful) to be true, that's because it is. The entire website is a fake, created by The Yes Men — those Swiftian agitators with a talent for mounting elaborate practical jokes. Peabody, however, is very real, and an army of their lobbyists are currently attempting to block what would be the EPA's "first-ever national standards for mercury, arsenic and other toxic air pollution from power plants" — legislation that could prevent 120,000 new cases of childhood asthma per year. As the Bieb might say, that's kinda lame. [, image via Coal Cares]

Oh Christ: Cats Make You Healthy

Hamilton Nolan · 11/02/10 02:25PM

Dream diets! Asthma surgery! Concussion guidelines! Exercise colds! Depression reruns! Robot hands! Bluffer brains! And kitty kitty kitty cats cats cats! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while pandering to cute addicts!

Girl Dies of Asthma Attack After Cop(?) Blocks Way to Hospital

Hamilton Nolan · 08/30/10 08:55AM

Last Friday, 11 year-old Briana Ojeda had a serious asthma attack. Her parents put her in the car and took off for the hospital, careening the wrong way down a one-way street. An officer stopped her. Briana didn't make it.