Seat Scanner Identifies People By Their Butts

Maureen O'Connor · 12/29/11 02:48PM

Researchers at Japan's Advanced Institute of Industrial Technology have invented an intricate butt-scanning system that can tell who is driving a car based on the shape of his or her butt, intrepid future newspaper The Daily reports:

A Frame-by-Frame Analysis of Obama's Alleged Ass-Peek

John Cook · 07/10/09 12:52PM

ABC News has come up with video purporting to prove that Barack Obama did not lasciviously check out a woman's ass in Rome yesterday. We undertook a Zapruder treatment and determined that he probably did, but had no choice.

The Most Exploitive Use Of Ass In An Ad Ever

copyranter · 10/02/07 09:00AM

94 years ago, liar H.K. McCann launched his NYC ad agency with the slogan "Truth Well Told." That was a big fat lie. Advertising copywriter Copyranter brings you instances of advertising lies and the lying liars who sell them.

Decadent Infidel America Washes Its Butt With Money

abalk · 09/27/07 11:20AM

Today's Times House & Home section gets to the bottom of the recent innovations in the bidet industry. Seems the fancy ass-washing toilets that clean your foul and constantly feces-soiled buttocks with a high-pressure burst of "well-aimed aerated water," are undergoing some sort of new acceptance in this country. While the evidence provided, numbers-wise, is a bit thin, the piece does offer a somewhat credible rationale for why this non-trend might actually be occurring.

abalk · 09/26/07 11:00AM

"Queen sang, 'Fat bottomed girls, you made the rockin' world go round' back in 1978. Yet slim-hippedness reigned until hip-hop and rap brought us Sir Mix-a-Lot's seminal music video line 'I like big butts and I can not lie' in 1992, later amplified by Sisqó's 'Thong Song' and Lil' Kim's 'Shake Ya Bum Bum.'" As part of its "Sex Issue," Slate provides a slideshow tracking the role of gigantic asses filled with the kind of important cultural contextualization found above. [Slate]

Times Square Will Not Be Defiled By Naked Buttocks

abalk · 07/31/07 01:50PM

In a compromise on the great Giant Ass Billboard Conflict of 2007, Toto Washlet [insert beloved Gawker sponsor boilerplate here] has compromised with Times Square Church, the site which was to house the promotion for Toto's fancy new ass-washing machine. Rather than showing naked, smiling asses, the cheeks will be sanitized and covered up by an ass-concealing banner. It's sort of a metaphor for Times Square as a whole, no?

Claire Danes' Nipple Tops Mary Louise Parker's Rump

abalk · 07/26/07 12:00PM

The second-to-top post on full-time celebrity nudity site Egotastic concerns actress Mary Louise Parker and her bareass publicity campaign for the show "Weeds." The post above it? An array of Claire Danes nip slip pictures. That bitch won't even let poor Mary Louise keep the skinflash demographic to herself. Why are you so petty and vindictive, Claire Danes? [Links NSFW if your work doesn't approve of asses or nipples.]

Zach Braff Named In Julia Allison Butt-Grabbing Imbroglio

abalk · 07/24/07 10:50AM

Star magazine editor-at-large Julia Allison sat down with the fine folks from Fox News horror-show "Red Eye" last night and brought her unique expertise to a subject rocking America's public debate right now: ass-grabbing. Turns out a certain celebrity (and thousands of complete nobodies) grabbed Ms. Allison's ample derriere at a recent social event! Who was it? To find out, you'll just have to watch the clip. Or, you know, read the headline above.

abalk · 07/10/07 08:50AM

State Supreme Court Justice temporarily bars billboard company from putting up those smiling butt ads in Times Sqaure. We guess you'll have to be content with just seeing them on our site. (Please send your NSFW complaints to our ad king Chris Batty at [AdAge]