Ungulates, Ranked

Melissa Cronin · 05/22/16 03:35PM

In the great and historic tradition of my forebears, I’d like to wrap up my illustrious career as the weekend warrior for Gawker dot com with a ranking. The subject of this list is that widely unappreciated group of odd- and even-toed mammals, those noble ruminants of the grasslands, that clade of hoofed wonders: the four-legged ungulates.*

This Goofy Repository of Florida Farm Crimes Is My New Favorite Facebook Page

Andy Cush · 05/16/16 04:00PM

I don’t know about you, but when I log onto Facebook, I’m hoping to see pregnancy announcements from couples I went to high school with, self-congratulatory status updates from my professional peers, and photos of the latest gator crimes and horse frauds being perpetrated in the Sunshine State. That’s why the Florida Agricultural Crimes Intelligence Unit is my new favorite page on the social network.

Hamilton Nolan · 12/10/15 11:20AM

The keeper of the IKEA monkey, who’s been living in a Canadian animal sanctuary for three years now, tells Vice the primate’s life has improved: “Monkeys shouldn’t be wearing nappies, monkeys shouldn’t be on a leash, and they shouldn’t be wearing coats.” Mmm... disagree.

Animals Like Pizza, We Get It

Melissa Cronin · 10/24/15 08:30AM

It seems like every animal who gets a little hungry and thinks to himself, “Hmmm, you know what I’d love right now? I’d really just like to indulge myself with a big ol’ cheesy slice-a-pizz’!” these days must face the glare of national news cameras in his face, intruding on what could have been a quiet meal alone.

I Have Found The One Good Cat

Chris Thompson · 10/11/15 04:15PM

Cats are known the world over for being evil little shits. And this cat is also an evil little shit. But this cat puts his evil ways to use for the good of all living things, waging war for a thousand generations against flutists. The flute is the thing that is worse than cats, and this good cat, rather than compound his badness by playing the flute, is taking a stand. That puts him on the side of the right. Good cat.

Alligator Caught Crossing Manhattan Street Has Died

Brendan O'Connor · 07/25/15 08:35AM

During the evening rush hour on Thursday, an alligator crawled out of...somewhere, and crossed a street in the Upper Manhattan neighborhood of Inwood. Officers from the NYPD’s 34th Precinct captured the ‘gator and brought it to a shelter where it died Friday morning, the New York Times reports.