Wolf Attempts to Eat the Head of Extremely Cool Teen

Caity Weaver · 08/28/13 07:14PM

An extremely cool Minnesota teen was startled over the weekend to discover a wolf attempting to eat him alive (starting with his brain), while he was just doing his own thing on a chill, romantic camping trip with his girlfriend.

Beloved Sea Otter Dies But, Guess What, It Was Old and Everything Dies

Caity Weaver · 08/26/13 07:30PM

Kachemak Sea Otter, a 23-year-old sea otter who, despite having a cute little face and compact, huggable body, would have watched nonchalantly as you were brutally stabbed to death in front of her, then cracked open a clam on her tummy for breakfast (because her brain was not wired for empathy), died on Saturday at Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. It was sad in the knee-jerk way that something different is often described as "sad"; like when you say "I miss when these walls were painted yellow" but what you mean is "I remember when these walls were painted yellow and now they're different."

Postcards from Prison: 8 Adorable Images of Justin Bieber's Monkey Under German Quarantine

Caity Weaver · 04/03/13 04:14PM

Last week, the headmaster's nephew Justin Bieber flew to Munich to put on a few performances as part of his world tour. He brought almost all the important things with him: his shoe, his passport, his baby capuchin monkey. Unfortunately, he didn't bring one very, very important thing: the necessary clearance forms so that he would be allowed to bring the monkey in and out of Germany. (Who knew you needed "animal clearance forms" for a friend? What a world.)