There's no getting around it: Charlie Sheen is coming back to television.
Sen. Chuck Schumer is really, really sorry he called a US Airways flight attendant a "bitch" yesterday after she ordered him to turn off his cellphone before takeoff: "The senator made an off-the-cuff comment under his breath after the flight attendant walked away. He shouldn't have made it, he regrets it and he has apologized for it." [Fox5]
If you're stressed about being treated unfairly at work—and you happen to be male—you'd be well advised to find a way to release your frustration. According to a bunch of Swedish scientists at something called the Stress Research Institute, men who let things pass without saying anything are five times more likely to suffer a heart attack. (They're also more likely to turn up at the office one one day with a loaded AK-47, aren't they?) Strangely, the study didn't bother to mention what women are supposed to do in these situations, so you're female and your boss is torturing you, you'll have to keep it bottled up for the time being. [Reuters]
Has the stalemate in Albany been boring you to tears? Allow Kevin Parker to liven things up. The Democratic state senator called Gov. David Paterson a "coke-snorting, staff-banging governor" today after Paterson ordered the Senate to continue working out their differences, rather than go home for the weekend. Parker has had his anger management issues in the past: He's the same guy who attacked a Post photographer outside his home in Brooklyn back in May. But you won't find much of Parker's bitterness on his website. The most recent story? "Senator Parker Donates Prom Dresses To High School Teens At Annual Prom Dress Giveaway." [NYDN]
Victory is ours! After losing the top spot in the annual survey of the nation's angriest drivers, New York City has once again risen to the top of the heap, beating out Miami, which placed No. 1 last year. "New Yorkers were most likely to wave their fists or arms. They were most likely to lay on the horn and they were most likely to make some sort of obscene gesture," explained Michael Bush, of the marketing firm Affinion Group, which commissioned the survey. You knew all of this, of course. But a little validation goes a long way. [NYDN]
Did Bernie Madoff steal your life savings or bankrupt your non-profit organization? Are you Mort Zuckerman or Steven Spielberg? We're here to help! If you happen to be a gun enthusiast—or you enjoy the occasional game of darts—we've created a Bernie "silhouette" for you to use the next time you head to the range or bar. You'll be pleased to hear that it conforms to the National Rifle Association's official standards for indoor/outdoor target practice. (Well, except for Bernie's head, which was our doing and hopefully won't lead any gun-toting members of the NRA to come after us.) And you can use the little scorecard in the corner to track your performance! Your anger will dissipate in no time! Click here for a larger picture of the silhouette, although if you're planning to actually use this at a gun range, you'll need to download a lifesize version, which you can do right here. Oh, and if you don't have a firearm or a gun license but you'd still like to take a shot at Bernie, give the West Side Rifle & Pistol Range a call. For $65, they'll let you shoot off 50 rounds under the watchful eye of an instructor. And they allow you to bring your own targets, too!
Looks like that cooling-off period didn't take! On today's episode of The View, outnumbered McCain booster Elisabeth Hasselbeck finally let out the pent-up rage she'd so coolly kept under wraps during yesterday's Bill Maher appearance, lashing out at Whoopi Goldberg for voicing skepticism about vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.Sensing an opportunity to restore order in the most patronizing way possible, Barbara Walters immediately leapt into the fray (though not with hugs), lavishing backhanded compliments on Hasselbeck while muttering that she's "trying so hard" to understand her point of view. Sadly, Hasselbeck immediately blew whatever sympathy she'd gained from Walters's condescension by dodging a question about Sarah Palin with an answer that inspires booing from the audience. Defection to Fox News coming in 5, 4, 3...
Some guys really know how to turn on the charm. Take CAA agent Dan Aloni for example, who reps directors Christopher Nolan, Michel Gondry and Tom Shadyac (among others) and who we hear recently talked his way right off the Fox lot after a tiff with Fox Atomic production boss Debbie Liebling. It seems everything was going just fine until Aloni bellowed something about Liebling being "a stupid fucking cunt" — which was enough for Peter Chernin himself to reportedly ban all of CAA from the lot until the Death Star gets its loose cannon in line. But we also hear that might take a while. Why?