We all know that frenetic tabloid sex oracle Andrea Peyser is strongly opposed to hussies, as well as sluts. But how does she feel about loose lying whores who cry rape as a way to cover up for their own loose, whorish behavior, and maybe they should have just never opened their legs for every man who says hello? Today, she clarifies her stance on this important matter.
Animatronic tabloid rage sex screed-writer Andrea Peyser has set aside her sexcellent sexcapades for a day in order to get good and rageful about something deplorably predictable. "More rage, less sexxx" may be Andrea Peyser's catchphrase, in 2012 (time will tell). What is Andrea rageful about, today? Well, let's just see what's in the movie theaters, shall we?
What a year it's been for Andrea Peyser, the sourpuss racist lesbian xenophobe sex fiend who serves as the conscience of New York City's most fascist tabloid. Today we are blessed with Andrea's "Year in Review" column, widely considered journalism's most exciting day after the Pulitzer Prizes. Equally looked-forward-to is our condensation of this column into readable form! Without further ado, we present The Shorter Version of Andrea Peyser's Year in Review Column, Which Is, Naturally, on the Topic of SIN:
Yesterday morning, a tipster pointed us to this Twitter posting about our favorite New York Post sex and hatred columnist: "Just saw Andrea Peyser say "Fuck you!" to a man questioning her attempted ambushing of a man who dared to (gasp!) bring a child to #OWS." Then another tipster sent us this photo of Andrea looking positively despondent down at OWS. Why the sour face, Andrea? Perhaps her column today holds some clues!
Sexological tabloid hate columnist Andrea Peyser (pictured, on left) is fighting a war for your very soul on many fronts. Not only is Andrea ably covering the heathen War on Christmas; she keeps her beady eyes open for any indications of a greater War on Christianity. And for hot teen sexxx! But today, War on Christianity.
Halfwit tabloid sex perv Andrea Peyser has a major Republican sex fetish. Yes, fine, that's a matter of record. But Andrea is, first and foremost, a professional sexxx journalist, and she takes that duty quite seriously. So it's alarming to learn that—in Andrea's unbiased opinion—Sharon Bialek (pictured), who yesterday accused Herman Cain of sexual assault, is a gold-digging slutty slutwhore bad mom welfare queen (and ugly).
Sexually obsessed tabloid persona Andrea Peyser customarily writes her column by feeding her cat large quantities of GHB-laced Fancy Feast, and then allowing it to wander over her keyboard. Still, today's is even more laughable than usual. Who would have thought that a racist white lady would lionize a black Republican? Oh, everybody!
The unsatisfying resolution of the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case raises tough questions of race, sex, power, and law. Indeed, this one murky encounter and its muddled aftermath could be used as a prism through which to dissect the very nature of morals in our sometimes unsettling globalized world. Or, you could just say: fuck everybody involved.
Like an intemperate child placed in "time out," tabloid sex perv and professional journalist Andrea Peyser has resorted to "acting out" in order to grab our attention, now that we've stopped covering her every last cock-imbued utterance in order to write about topics more useful to society, like brawls in fast food restaurants.
Everyone's favorite New York Post sex monster Andrea Peyser has once again dipped her pen in sexy red ink and written a hot-blooded crime noir about the acquittal of "tot mom" Casey Anthony. It's dark, folks. Our usual chronicler of Ms. Peyser's Zane-like tone poems is out today, so I think it best to just let Ms. Peyser speak for herself.