Andrea Peyser Is Against Rape (Allegations by Sluts)

Hamilton Nolan · 02/02/12 10:02AM

We all know that frenetic tabloid sex oracle Andrea Peyser is strongly opposed to hussies, as well as sluts. But how does she feel about loose lying whores who cry rape as a way to cover up for their own loose, whorish behavior, and maybe they should have just never opened their legs for every man who says hello? Today, she clarifies her stance on this important matter.

Andrea Peyser Is Extremely Mad and Incredibly Dumb

Hamilton Nolan · 01/19/12 09:13AM

Animatronic tabloid rage sex screed-writer Andrea Peyser has set aside her sexcellent sexcapades for a day in order to get good and rageful about something deplorably predictable. "More rage, less sexxx" may be Andrea Peyser's catchphrase, in 2012 (time will tell). What is Andrea rageful about, today? Well, let's just see what's in the movie theaters, shall we?

Andrea Peyser's Year in Review: 'The All-American Booty'

Hamilton Nolan · 12/19/11 09:28AM

What a year it's been for Andrea Peyser, the sourpuss racist lesbian xenophobe sex fiend who serves as the conscience of New York City's most fascist tabloid. Today we are blessed with Andrea's "Year in Review" column, widely considered journalism's most exciting day after the Pulitzer Prizes. Equally looked-forward-to is our condensation of this column into readable form! Without further ado, we present The Shorter Version of Andrea Peyser's Year in Review Column, Which Is, Naturally, on the Topic of SIN:

Andrea Peyser's No Good, Very Bad Day at Occupy Wall Street

Hamilton Nolan · 11/16/11 09:31AM

Yesterday morning, a tipster pointed us to this Twitter posting about our favorite New York Post sex and hatred columnist: "Just saw Andrea Peyser say "Fuck you!" to a man questioning her attempted ambushing of a man who dared to (gasp!) bring a child to #OWS." Then another tipster sent us this photo of Andrea looking positively despondent down at OWS. Why the sour face, Andrea? Perhaps her column today holds some clues!

Expert: Gold-Digging Welfare Whore Is After Herman Cain's Money

Hamilton Nolan · 11/08/11 09:31AM

Halfwit tabloid sex perv Andrea Peyser has a major Republican sex fetish. Yes, fine, that's a matter of record. But Andrea is, first and foremost, a professional sexxx journalist, and she takes that duty quite seriously. So it's alarming to learn that—in Andrea's unbiased opinion—Sharon Bialek (pictured), who yesterday accused Herman Cain of sexual assault, is a gold-digging slutty slutwhore bad mom welfare queen (and ugly).

Tabloid Lady: I Hate Everybody

Hamilton Nolan · 08/24/11 08:24AM

The unsatisfying resolution of the Dominique Strauss-Kahn case raises tough questions of race, sex, power, and law. Indeed, this one murky encounter and its muddled aftermath could be used as a prism through which to dissect the very nature of morals in our sometimes unsettling globalized world. Or, you could just say: fuck everybody involved.

Andrea Peyser Writes Scintillating Casey Anthony Fanfic

Richard Lawson · 07/08/11 10:10AM

Everyone's favorite New York Post sex monster Andrea Peyser has once again dipped her pen in sexy red ink and written a hot-blooded crime noir about the acquittal of "tot mom" Casey Anthony. It's dark, folks. Our usual chronicler of Ms. Peyser's Zane-like tone poems is out today, so I think it best to just let Ms. Peyser speak for herself.