By taking a selfie with the "voluptuously curvy" "blonde bimbo" "Danish cupcake" prime minister and her "gentle gams" "covered by nothing more substantial than sheer black stockings," Barack Obama acted like "a hormone-ravaged frat boy on a road trip to a strip bar." Andrea Peyser was robbed of the 2013 Bad Sex in Fiction award.
Sad news, chuckleheads: Perma-enraged seething cauldron of bigotry and ill-concealed sexual tension Andrea Peyser, the tabloid columnist who has been a longtime "Gawker favorite" in the same sense that Slobodan Milosevic was a "favorite" of the International Criminal Tribunal, is taking a leave of absence from the New York Post.
self sin-loathing heterosexual human sexuality sex columnist Andrea Peyser has long supported strong role models for young teenage girls of America who want nothing more than to lead a simple life involving simulated rape scenes with vampires within the confines of a traditional marriage. Well. Andrea has some very, very sad news to break to you, tween-age aspiring vampire fuckers: that movie Twilight was apparently not a documentary.
Andrea Peyser, New York's leading heterosexual sex columnist, has an opinion on the very latest news in the case of the Alleged Hot Lesbian Teachers—last week's ruling that Alleged Hot Lesbian Teacher Alini Brito may return to the classroom. As your leading internet aggregator of Alleged Hot Lesbian Teacher news, we are obligated to bring this opinion to you. Here it is:
If I were to pick one person who should be the proper judge of all the world's morality, I would pick cheap tabloid columnist Andrea Peyser, who hates gays, Muslims, and minorities with the same fervor that she loves lurid sexual innuendo. She just seems like the best choice, to pass judgment on those who she deems to be insensitive. I don't see any problems with that.
"Let's teach horny frogs to zip it up" is the headline today on the professional newspaper column written by Andrea "Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Embittered Tabloid Lady" Peyser. Seems like a good headline for someone whose primary interests are anger and frog cocks. (Andrea Peyser.) What is in this column, today?
Slut-obsessed sexual sex columnist and hate machine Andrea Peyser is unafraid to speak out when hot, young, sexual teens are doing something potentially sexual, with their bodies. Journalism, you see, is the reason that Andre recently spent the day prowling St. Marks Place, watching young kids who've been taught at Elementary Sex Palaces get piercings in dark, unspeakable places. "We have 16-year-old girls who want their nipples pierced!'' one piercing guy tells Andrea Peyser, I imagine after she hit him with a blackjack, stripped him naked, tied him to a bed, and demanded, "Tell me about teenage girls getting their nipples pierced, or else."