Hamilton Nolan · 04/11/16 07:40AM

Perpetually enraged sex columnist Andrea Peyser declares (Jewish) Bernie Sanders “Anti-Semitic,” and contrasts him with Ivanka Trump, who “has given birth to three Jewish children, delighting the tykes’ grandfather.” But is Hillary Clinton a slut? We anxiously await Andrea’s ruling.

Hamilton Nolan · 12/12/13 10:36AM

By taking a selfie with the "voluptuously curvy" "blonde bimbo" "Danish cupcake" prime minister and her "gentle gams" "covered by nothing more substantial than sheer black stockings," Barack Obama acted like "a hormone-ravaged frat boy on a road trip to a strip bar." Andrea Peyser was robbed of the 2013 Bad Sex in Fiction award.

Hamilton Nolan · 10/18/13 09:28AM

Sex-obsessed tabloid hatred columnist Andrea Peyser calls for banning books in her column today. Good to see you back in the game, Andrea.

Andrea Peyser Is Still Enraged at Everyone, Don't Worry

Hamilton Nolan · 11/02/12 08:38AM

In Hurricane Sandy's deadly wake, New York City lost its power. It lost its hot water. It lost businesses, and homes, and dreams. But there is one thing that no devastating natural disaster can take away from us: the hateful rantings of tabloid sexpot Andrea Peyser.

Hussy Whorish Hollywood Vampire-Banger Was Not a Virgin in Real Life!

Hamilton Nolan · 08/01/12 08:45AM

Angry self sin-loathing heterosexual human sexuality sex columnist Andrea Peyser has long supported strong role models for young teenage girls of America who want nothing more than to lead a simple life involving simulated rape scenes with vampires within the confines of a traditional marriage. Well. Andrea has some very, very sad news to break to you, tween-age aspiring vampire fuckers: that movie Twilight was apparently not a documentary.

Andrea Peyser Would Never Break Linda Evangelista's Heart

Hamilton Nolan · 05/04/12 08:43AM

"Let's teach horny frogs to zip it up" is the headline today on the professional newspaper column written by Andrea "Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Embittered Tabloid Lady" Peyser. Seems like a good headline for someone whose primary interests are anger and frog cocks. (Andrea Peyser.) What is in this column, today?

Andrea Peyser Is Very Interested in Hot Teen Nipple Piercings

Hamilton Nolan · 04/26/12 08:22AM

Slut-obsessed sexual sex columnist and hate machine Andrea Peyser is unafraid to speak out when hot, young, sexual teens are doing something potentially sexual, with their bodies. Journalism, you see, is the reason that Andre recently spent the day prowling St. Marks Place, watching young kids who've been taught at Elementary Sex Palaces get piercings in dark, unspeakable places. "We have 16-year-old girls who want their nipples pierced!'' one piercing guy tells Andrea Peyser, I imagine after she hit him with a blackjack, stripped him naked, tied him to a bed, and demanded, "Tell me about teenage girls getting their nipples pierced, or else."

If We Stop Spying on Newark's Muslims 'People Will Die,' Says Lunatic

Hamilton Nolan · 03/08/12 09:47AM

Cat-stroking xenophobe Andrea Peyser has a Google Alert that plays the entire score to Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will every time it finds a story under "New York Times AND NYPD AND I Hate Terrorist Muslims." Ding ding ding! Today, like every day, is Andrea Peyser's lucky day.