America's Ugliest Accent, Round One: Boston, Baltimore, L.A., Chicago

Dayna Evans · 09/29/14 01:30PM

If you're from Philadelphia, your preferred non-Yuengling beverage is wooder. If you're from New York City, your greatest enemies are the bridge-and-tunnel crowd from Lawng Island. If you're from Los Angeles, you respond to people who hop on the 405 at rush hour with a pained "Whyy-ee?"

Red Robin Owns Distinction of Serving America's Unhealthiest Meal

Megan Reynolds · 07/30/14 09:12PM

Red Robin is home to the unhealthiest meal in America, according to USA Today. In a report released by the Center for Science in the Public Interest, the "Monster" double burger, "bottomless" fries and a "Monster" milkshake clocks in at 3,450 calories. Also on the list were offerings from The Cheesecake Factory, including a "Brulee French Toast," which sounds delicious, but also terrifying.

Adam Weinstein · 07/28/14 10:33AM

America is over. Where can an immigrant get a fair shake from a welcoming government? Germany.

Attorneys Ask Kid Rock to Bring Them Insane Clown Posse's Glass Dildo

Jordan Sargent · 07/23/14 01:40PM

Earlier this week, Kid Rock peered at his glass dildo and nodded solemnly, his eyes welling. He knew this day would one day come, but he was blindsided nonetheless. If the young blonde in his bed saw the tear roll down his cheek, she wouldn't have known why. Kid was keeping this secret deep inside: he had been notified via a subpoena that he must present the crystal clear sex toy, gifted to him by an employee of Insane Clown Posse, as evidence in a sexual harassment trial.

Manhattan's New 1,775-Foot Skyscraper Proves New York Loves America

Andy Cush · 07/10/14 03:03PM

Next time someone tries to tell you New York City isn't Real America, you remind them: 1 World Trade Center is 1,776 feet tall, man. Ain't that America? We love our country so much, in fact, that a new skyscraper — Earth's tallest residential building! — will top out one foot lower in patriotic deference.

​The "Nanny From Hell" Is an American Hero

Tom Scocca · 07/03/14 08:00AM

As the story of the so-called "Nanny From Hell" continues to unfold, it becomes clearer and clearer that America is a nation of cringing dupes and shameless predators, and that most of the predators are also dupes. The coverage, very much including this site's own coverage, has been dedicated to the peculiar notion that the villain in the story is Diane Stretton, the so-called "nanny" who has been refusing to leave the house of her employers.

The Gun-Law Improvements That No One Is Taking Seriously

Adam Weinstein · 05/28/14 01:03PM

America's gun conversation, to the extent that there is one, is facile, extreme and led by monied interests on both ends. The NRA is awful and the vocal anti-gun left is little better—focused on superficial answers to a culture-wide problem. Here are some reform ideas that ought to be taken seriously.

This Ames, Iowa Advertisement Is Basically a Parks and Recreation Joke

Jordan Sargent · 05/22/14 05:05PM

So here are some things to know about Ames, Iowa, based on this adorable and rather ridiculous video called "Hooray for Ames!" which I swear is not a clip from Parks & Recreation. Ames has very clean water. Commutes to work are no longer than 20 minutes. There are 36 "recreation areas." The spring is mild. Did I mention the water?

Adam Weinstein · 05/16/14 08:12AM

Nearly two-thirds of Americans polled by NBC News said they'd favor a return to death by gas, electric chair, firing squad or hanging if lethal injection was found impractical. What's your preference? Personally, I'd like to have seen polling numbers for garroting and breaking on the wheel.