Al Gore will be resting easier this weekend. Prosecutors in Portland say they're dropping the investigation into whether the former Vice President sexually assaulted a masseuse in a Portland hotel room in 2006 "due to a lack of credible evidence."
Just when Al Gore's "crazed sex poodle" masseuse assault allegations were waning, the National Enquirerdigs up two more masseuses who say Gore propositioned them. Or, more precisely, "pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, 'Take care of THIS.'"
Want to see a privileged white kid get his ass kicked? Al Gore Jr. ("Kid Blanco") is participating in a heavyweight Wall Street boxing match tomorrow, for indulging homoeroti—I mean, for charity. His opponent: Ken "The Carnivore" Cunningham.
Oprah and Obama aren't going to Chelsea's wedding—they weren't even invited. Is the location an elaborate ruse? Could Bristol Palin be trying to upstage her? A guide to the most perplexing wedding of the century.
The notorious stain on the pants saved by a masseuse from the night she claims she was sexually assaulted by Al Gore tested negative for semen, the woman told the Portland Tribune, the weekly newspaper that first investigated her allegations.
Al Gore's favorability (some people still monitor this!) has hit its lowest rating in more than a decade, following revelations about him diddlin' that masseuse. We can now safely assume that man-made climate change does not exist. [via]
It's true. A waitress done up and punched her in the face. At least she's not Kristen Stewart, who fears her fans will kill her. Or at least she's not anyone else featured in this Friday gossip splooge.
Taiwanese newspaper Apple Daily has weighed in with another one of its animated re-creations, this time of a fat and angry Al Gore roughing up that masseuse in Portland. Bill Clinton even makes a cameo.
Neighbors of the Portland masseuse who accused Al Gore of 'unwanted sexual contact' in 2006 say she is a "very honest person." "Friendly enough to stop you on the sidewalk," said one. But what's her stance on global warming?? [Oregonian]
The National Enquirer has uncovered a 2006 police report about an alleged incident of Al Gore making unwanted sexual contact with a Portland masseuse. According to the District Attorney's office it's legit. Is Al Gore a dirty old man?
Environment activist Laurie David, alleged mistress of Al Gore, denies having ever "reduced her carbon footprint" with Gore, if you know what I mean. "The story is completely untrue," says David. Just like global warming, am I right? [NYDN]
Finally, someone takes the bait on Al and Tipper Gore's divorce by starting an adultery rumor: Star says Inconvenient Truth producer Laurie David—also the cheating ex-wife of Seinfeld creator Larry David—"went from friends to lovers" with Al.
CNN anchor John Roberts says that Al and Tipper Gore's marriage first began to unravel during the stress of the 2000 presidential election and subsequent recount. Mark Halperin suggests that it may have been their son's 2007 drug arrest. Well?