Highlights From the Insane Miss America Pageant

Rich Juzwiak · 09/15/14 09:10AM

On last night's Miss America Pageant (and its preceding Countdown show), we were treated to ventriloquism, rhythmless red-cup percussion, a slew of factoids about the contestants as they did performed their talents ("Slapped a shark as a kid," "Attacked by a Cheetah in Zambia"), an embarrassing song by Miss Tennessee's parents from the audience, a Toddlers & Tiaras-inspired Pixy Stix binge, and Game of Thrones fandom. I've never seen a wackier mainstream U.S. pageant, nor a better one and no one fell or fucked up an interview question or anything. A great job all around.