Republican Convention, Day One: Everyone Get Ready for Nothing

Hamilton Nolan · 08/27/12 11:10AM

REPORTING LIVE FROM INSIDE THE TAMPA CONVENTION CENTER—Day one of the Great Republican Convention of 2012 has arrived, and here we are bright and early inside the belly of the beast, to give you, the Real Americans, an inside glimpse at this most vital of American political institutions.

The Wet Pussies Have Gathered: Reporting Live From Tampa

Hamilton Nolan · 08/27/12 08:15AM

TAMPA, Fla.— This, like every presidential election, is the Most Important Presidential Election of your lifetime. This, like every presidential election, is a contest of unparalleled importance between candidates of previously unencountered contrasts to decide the Most Important Issues we have ever seen. Forget what has come before. The politicians, pundits, and moral leaders of the Republican Party want you to know that this election is the One That Matters The Most. Just like every other election.

Sarah Silverman Offers Sheldon Adelson 'Traditional Lesbian Sex' In Exchange for Backing Obama Over Romney

Neetzan Zimmerman · 07/16/12 01:47PM

In response to a recent pledge by major Romney backer Sheldon Adelson to give the GOP presidential candidate as much as $100 million for his fight against the incumbent, comedienne Sarah Silverman has made a rather blunt counter-proposal: If the casino magnate promises to donate to Obama instead, she will don a bikini bottom and scissor him "to fruition" (i.e., until he cums).

Ann Romney's Mommy War Becomes GOP Rallying Cry in Record Time (Update: Bumper Stickers)

Maureen O'Connor · 04/12/12 03:30PM

After a brutal year of female-alienating policy debates, the GOP has settled on a message it apparently thinks will appease the ladies: "Don't Let Barack Obama & Democrats Insult Women, MOMS DO WORK!" The mug-friendly slogan is, of course, an outgrowth of Ann Romney's war against left-leaning pundit Hilary Rosen, who said last night that Ann "never worked a day in her life."

Republican Pol Gives Really Creepy Interview with 5-Year-Old Son

Maureen O'Connor · 03/01/12 06:43PM

Republican Senate hopeful Barry Hinckley recently debuted an ad today in which his cute 5-year-old son Hudson explains the economy. Today Fox News host Neil Cavuto invited the father-son duo on his TV show, where the toddler ventriloquism took a horror movie turn.

Your Guide to Mitt Romney's Obscene Tax Situation

Jim Newell · 01/24/12 03:15PM

Mitt Romney's tax returns are out, and so we've learned the truth: Mitt Romney is a rich person. Hadn't you always suspected? And because the first thing you want to be reading this Tuesday in January is a description of tax forms, here's your guide to Romney, his taxes, and the political effects thereof.

Romney's First TV Ad Is, Like Romney, Boring and Wrong

Max Read · 11/21/11 11:37PM

Here's Mitt Romney's first television ad! It is fantastic, in the sense that it manages to encapsulate, in the span of one minute, the entire Romney "brand": boring, wrong, nonspecific and slightly dishonest. (It's not so fantastic in the "at all engaging to watch" sense.)

Herman Cain Makes Announcement: 'Shucky Ducky'

Lauri Apple · 05/21/11 02:15PM

The underdog at the top put on his special rapture glasses and announced his campaign bid to 10,000—or was it 15,000?—of his closest friends in Atlanta, spreading the message of "shucky ducky" and showering the crowd with love. He also says he's that he's not running for "second," but fourth.

Mike Huckabee Won't Run for President

Max Read · 05/15/11 08:28AM

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee won't run for president! The Fox News host, who led in several polls released over the last few months, said it was a "spiritual decision," which we think means he used a Ouija board.

Mitt Romney Only Wants to Hang Barack Obama Metaphorically

Max Read · 04/30/11 02:43PM

This is a video of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney telling an audience in New Hampshire on Wednesday that Republicans are "going to hang" Barack Obama—and then immediately catching himself. So you see: Romney only wants to hang Obama metaphorically. Which is, sad to say, a good thing, insofar as it's uhm, nice (?) to see a prominent Republican use racially problematic language by mistake, and not in a deliberate, cynical pandering strategy. And he actually seemed pretty embarrassed! Mitt Romney 2012: Not a Completely Cynical Scumbag. [via TPM]

Gary Busey Endorses Donald Trump

Max Read · 04/19/11 08:11PM

Squinty boor Donald Trump has secured a crucial endorsement! Gary Busey, the wild-eyed actor and celebrity apprentice, is not only campaigning for Trump, but has created an acronymic "Busey-ism" in support of the candidate: "Taking Redirection, Understanding Massive Power." Poetic and political!

Santorum Disowns Slogan by Gay Black Poet

TPM · 04/16/11 11:12AM

Rick Santorum is backing away from the campaign slogan featured on the website for his exploratory committee, "Fighting to Make America America again," after it was pointed out to him that it was first made famous in a pro-union poem by the gay poet Langston Hughes.

Tim Pawlenty Tries Too Hard to Run for President

Max Read · 04/12/11 07:33PM

Click to viewFormer Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is trying too hard again: The Republican, who hasn't officially announced his presidential candidacy, told CNN's Piers Morgan "I'm running for president" only to have his spokesman Alex Conant quickly downplayed the statement, saying "He will have a formal announcement about running for president later this spring." Tim! Chill out! You're going to ruin this for everyone! [CNN]