TAMPA, Fla.— This, like every presidential election, is the Most Important Presidential Election of your lifetime. This, like every presidential election, is a contest of unparalleled importance between candidates of previously unencountered contrasts to decide the Most Important Issues we have ever seen. Forget what has come before. The politicians, pundits, and moral leaders of the Republican Party want you to know that this election is the One That Matters The Most. Just like every other election.
In response to a recent pledge by major Romney backer Sheldon Adelson to give the GOP presidential candidate as much as $100 million for his fight against the incumbent, comedienne Sarah Silverman has made a rather blunt counter-proposal: If the casino magnate promises to donate to Obama instead, she will don a bikini bottom and scissor him "to fruition" (i.e., until he cums).
After a brutal year of female-alienating policy debates, the GOP has settled on a message it apparently thinks will appease the ladies: "Don't Let Barack Obama & Democrats Insult Women, MOMS DO WORK!" The mug-friendly slogan is, of course, an outgrowth of Ann Romney's war against left-leaning pundit Hilary Rosen, who said last night that Ann "never worked a day in her life."
Mitt Romney's tax returns are out, and so we've learned the truth: Mitt Romney is a rich person. Hadn't you always suspected? And because the first thing you want to be reading this Tuesday in January is a description of tax forms, here's your guide to Romney, his taxes, and the political effects thereof.
Here's Mitt Romney's first television ad! It is fantastic, in the sense that it manages to encapsulate, in the span of one minute, the entire Romney "brand": boring, wrong, nonspecific and slightly dishonest. (It's not so fantastic in the "at all engaging to watch" sense.)
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee won't run for president! The Fox News host, who led in several polls released over the last few months, said it was a "spiritual decision," which we think means he used a Ouija board.
This is a video of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney telling an audience in New Hampshire on Wednesday that Republicans are "going to hang" Barack Obama—and then immediately catching himself. So you see: Romney only wants to hang Obama metaphorically. Which is, sad to say, a good thing, insofar as it's uhm, nice (?) to see a prominent Republican use racially problematic language by mistake, and not in a deliberate, cynical pandering strategy. And he actually seemed pretty embarrassed! Mitt Romney 2012: Not a Completely Cynical Scumbag. [via TPM]
Squinty boor Donald Trump has secured a crucial endorsement! Gary Busey, the wild-eyed actor and celebrity apprentice, is not only campaigning for Trump, but has created an acronymic "Busey-ism" in support of the candidate: "Taking Redirection, Understanding Massive Power." Poetic and political!
Click to viewFormer Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is trying too hard again: The Republican, who hasn't officially announced his presidential candidacy, told CNN's Piers Morgan "I'm running for president" only to have his spokesman Alex Conant quickly downplayed the statement, saying "He will have a formal announcement about running for president later this spring." Tim! Chill out! You're going to ruin this for everyone! [CNN]