More News From Double Down: Obama "Luckier Than a Dog with Two Dicks"

Gabrielle Bluestone · 11/02/13 03:14PM

Excerpts from Mark Halperin and John Heilemann's Double Down are popping up all over the internet, and the newest revelations include Michelle calling Romney a liar, Obama's advisors acting out his worst debates, and Romney not being a fan of the overweight.

Peggy Noonan Is Still Permitted to Write About Politics for Some Reason

Hamilton Nolan · 11/09/12 10:44AM

Peggy Noonan, whose uniquely airy style of kindergarten-reading-level prose works upon the political chattering classes (but no one else) like a snake charmer's flute works on a cobra, wrote one of the most vapid, scoff-worthy, fact-free columns of the pre-election news cycle, in which she predicted that Mitt Romney would win because she'd been seeing a lot of his yard signs around, lately. Well, now comes the post-election follow-up: Peggy Noonan is resigning from her job as a WSJ columnist, in acknowledgement of the unavoidable fact that she is an embarrassment to her profession.

Hamilton Nolan · 11/08/12 10:12AM

Karl Rove's post-election column fails to mention his own inaccurate election prediction. Karl Rove is a cowardly clown.

Did College Education Zombie Brainwashing Secure Obama's Victory?

Hamilton Nolan · 11/07/12 01:59PM

Many theories have already been bandied about for why Barack Obama secured his reelection last night: fundamental demographic changes in the voting base, ossified Republican proposals, the creaky inability of Mitt Romney to appear convincingly humanoid. But only one member of the pundit class has been incisive enough to peer more deeply into the true rotten, beating heart of Obama's victory: our national system of liberal zombification centers. (Colleges.)

Chet Haze Thinks You Voters Are Pathetic

Hamilton Nolan · 11/07/12 11:53AM

Feeling pretty satisfied with yourselves this morning, Obama supporters? Feeling real "proud" that your man won? Feeling nice and positive about all the "good things" that might happen over the next four years?

Obama Scraping the Bottom of the Celeb Barrel for His Campaign's Final Days

MTanzer · 11/04/12 03:40PM

If you're the President of the United States and you've already used up all the help you can get from George Clooney, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Sarah Jessica Parker, Gwen Stefani, Anna Wintour, Lena Dunham, and Zach Galifianakis even who do you turn to in your campaign's final push? The Obama team has had some pretty lame celebrity guests during these past few days. C'mon Barry, this is go time.

Don't Listen to Nate Silver's Gay Polls, Says Superstar Conservative Pollster

Jordan Sargent · 10/27/12 03:06PM

Today, my fellow Americans, you get to choose between two superstar election pollsters. In one corner, we have Dean Chambers, the creator of the tin foil hat UnSkewed Polls and the laughing stock of the political media. In the other corner we have defending champion Nate Silver, the creator of the polling blog 538, which correctly predicted the popular vote split in the 2008 presidential election and was only four votes off of correctly predicting Barack Obama's number in the electoral college. Silver's track record may lead you to put your faith in him, but wait, Chambers has a compelling argument for his side: Have you ever noticed that Nate Silver is "thin and effeminate" (i.e. GAY)?

Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Mitt Romney For the Stupidest Possible Reason

Jordan Sargent · 10/18/12 06:49PM

Dilbert creator Scott Adams is a rich white man who has turned his allegiance to Mitt Romney — I'll give you a moment to regain your composure. Okay. On Wednesday, Adams wrote a mildly coherent blog post explaining why he will be voting for Mitt Romney in November, one that starts with a hypothetical situation that includes the phrase, "For the record, President Obama did not technically kill anyone to get elected."

Mitt Romney Had to Practice Sitting on a Bar Stool for This Debate

MTanzer · 10/16/12 08:44PM

The Presidential debate is already underway in Long Island, but news is trickling in via CNN that Mitt underwent intense training—like how to sit on a barstool. Mitt is, of course, a Mormon, so his experience in bars is limited. Therefore, his bar stool training does make sense—he wouldn't want to look robotic or unnatural, after all.

Obama Interrupted at UVA Campaign Stop by Inaudible Chanting

Kate Bennert · 08/29/12 05:30PM

Earlier today, before he took on redditors from his basement office, President Obama was delivering a speech about how young people are the future (or something) to a bunch of mildly enthused rich kids at UVA. Not everyone was pleased to hear this, though, as he was interrupted by a few hecklers in the back, chanting something inaudible. Not to worry though, the hecklers were soon drowned out by shouts of "4 more years!" from the kids in the front. "Thank you," Obama said to the hecklers and kindly asked them to back their shit up come voting season.