Hey Christina Aguilera, How You Gonna Play Us Like That?

Mark Graham · 09/08/08 05:35PM

It's pretty much been an all-VMA recap kind of day here at Defamer HQ. Not only have we caught you up on our red carpet conversations with Brooke Hogan, Robert Pattinson and Brett Ratner, but we've also given you nearly 24 hours to digest all the goings-on from last night's event. All of which leads us into tonight's installment of Defamer To Do's, where Molls deconstructs some of the evening's high points (namely, T.I.'s LACMA worthy performance) and head-scratchers (why why WHY did X-Tina choose to lip sync?). Enjoy!· Rob Giles at Molly Malones. · Warner Drive at the Key Club. · The Art of War at the Norton Simon Museum. · Jedi Training at Disneyland.

To Make the 'Guitar Hero' Movie, Brett Ratner Needs You To Stop Buying the Game

Kyle Buchanan · 09/08/08 04:10PM

While conducting interviews at the VMAs yesterday, the nearby booth advertising Rock Band 2 was the cacophonous bane of our existence — though no one was more unhappy to see it than director Brett Ratner. As you may recall, the Defamer-beloved auteur (and big penis enthusiast) aspires to direct a film adaptation based on Rock Band's rival video game franchise, Guitar Hero. Since the idea continues to boggle our minds, we knew we had to venture a question, even if the resulting Defamer-on-Ratner interaction threatened to spin the world off its axis. Fortunately, the Rush Hour 3 helmer was every bit the gentleman. We blame the heatstroke. [MTV]

John Legend Wants None Of What God Warrior Jordin Sparks Is Selling

Seth Abramovitch · 09/08/08 03:15PM

While we enjoyed sharing with you the alternately entertaining, excruciating, and utterly discombobulating experience of attending the 2008 VMAs in person, there were moments completely lost on us from our extremely un-VIP vantage point. Take, for example, this off-prompter ad-lib from Jordin Sparks, in which the uncomfortable tension building steadily in Soundstage 16—Brandian anti-Republicanism and hypersexuality reacting against Jonas Brothers's calculated chastity—burst like on overfilled water balloon. What we hadn't noticed at the time was her co-presenter John Legend's overt attempts at distancing himself from Sparks's pro-abstinence sentiments, displaying his naked fingers to indicate the absence of any such sex-warding amulets from Zales. He's good to go, groupies!

Brooke Hogan on Sarah Palin: 'Who's That?'

Kyle Buchanan · 09/08/08 11:15AM

Though it's only been a scant ten days since John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, it's hard to find anyone on earth immune to the media onslaught that followed. Oh, for the halcyon days of mid-August, when our nation was more consumed with the abdominals of Michael Phelps than the baby-making, celebrity-stifling, Liz Lemon-resembling Palin name! To meet the rare creature who still knows nothing about the controversial candidate would be like staring into the windows of our pre-RNC innocence, and reader, we found such a transcendent experience on the carpet of the VMAs last night:Sure, Brooke Hogan's political ignorance may be easy to pillory (though her dark horse candidate would certainly win endorsements from the bulk of last night's Moonman-accepting crowd). After all, this is the same reality star who came under fire for her belief that female menstruation should be an instant DQ for the presidency (so get cracking on that change of life, ladies!). Still, after the events of the past ten days, we can't help but see in Brooke the sort of happy optimism that remains unchanged by frightening new political polls. Sometimes, after reading about the new person Palin had fired or the books she wanted banned from the public library, all we want to do is don a low-cut dress, toss our hair from side to side, and shimmy, shimmy down the red carpet until political doom is just a bad dream on a channel far, far away from VH1. [MTV]

Sarah Palin Superstar

STV · 09/05/08 08:15PM

· Let Lindsay Lohan, Albert Brooks, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Life Magazine introduce you to the GOP's great vice-presidential hope. · In one of the best TV scraps since Judd Apatow eradicated That 70s Show's Mark Brazill, Greg Garcia branded Alec Baldwin as an "unlikeable, psychotic narcissist" after Baldwin bitched about NBC showing more love to My Name Is Earl than 30 Rock. · David Duchovny taught us all kinds of hilarious euphemisms for "sex addiction." · Madman Nicolas Cage went all the way to Thailand and all he got was this lousy coup. · David Spade might have made a kid, but Matthew McConaughey made a kid cry. · Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Paris Hilton made their respective plans for the Toronto Film Festival. · Do we dare ponder a future without Beijing Ben frolicking on NBC's behalf? · David Cronenberg explained to us that David Lynch is "way weirder" than he is. · All-Trailer Day had a look at Zack & Miri, Labor Pains and Milk. · The likeness to Jason Priestley's facial shrub was easy to place. Robert Downey Jr's, though? Not so much. · The first trailer of burgeoning political pundit Lindsay Lohan's comeback vehicle, Labor Pains, made its way online. Lindsay and her newly remunerative ladyfriend Sam Ronson celebrated with a full-fledged liplock for the paps. · We finally got a taste our first taste of the newer, smilier 90210. It remains to be seen whether Shenae Grimes' shit-eating grin can top Shannen Doherty's bitchy frown of yore, but one thing is certain: we can't wait for the reveal that Brandon was really the Unabomber! · Don LaFontaine, RIP. · And finally, don't forget to check back here on Sunday for our liveblog direct from the red carpet of the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards. Britney will be opening and Kanye will be closing, while we're hopeful that watersports-enthusiast Russell Brand will be able to shake off his terrifying experience with an elephant's vagina and be as funny hosting as he was when we interviewed him. See you on Sunday at or around 3pm PDT!